Questioning myself

   I was acting all this time as If people would give back at some point, something of their time. Instead of it, I am only receiving rejection and dissapointment. How sick is when someone tells you that they hang out with you and your company only because they want to flirt with someone of them? How sick is to invite people and getting excuses all the time as an answer? How annoying is to usually be the last option for people? How terrible is it to find out that your friends met each other and they didn't even call you?

    Among those, I keep thinking about my life and my ..somehow future. However, every second, every moment, I only feel like I have surrendered. I feel no interest. I feel no excitement. I feel, no feels!
   Where is the fire, the sparkle? Where is my self?


   Should I change any part of me? If so, how?
What should I do?