Saturday, 4 February 2017

Feels

I feel empty inside. Days come and by and the feeling of not having a clue is faintly there. I have good time though. But I am scared. Afraid of encountering again the same repetitive reality with no hope. I felt comfy here. I had a spark of future life, a hope, but no one to share it exactly with. There wasn't this kind of person being childish, smiling uncontrollably, no fearing of future. I am not 16 anymore. No, I am not. (And people around me as well)
I ve started being almost like 40s (I know, I am exaggerating much), I need some boost. A fearless-happy person. Why can't I, myself, be this person? What holds me back all the time?

People tend to tell me that everything I have experienced has changed me. Well, yes ok. But not always positively. I m still unbalanced somehow, and God knows (if it exists) if I ever find my way.

Some get so attached to me, that I feel I m losing my own self somehow.
What s the meaning of time? What's the meaning of "self "

Do I even have passion for anything ? Am I after something?

There are hours in my day, that I have things to share and smile for or even complain about. Then, it happens to find nobody to do so. Things in me are not the same anymore.
I m tired of talking. Even tired of meeting new people I would say. Repetition again "Where are you from? How old? Where exactly do you live? How are things in Greece? I have/n't been there, but I heard.....blah blah blah"

I feel alone, but I am the one who makes me like that.

I really needed to cry tonight. So much anxiety, that my mouth was shut. Today the day was full of pressure from two or maybe three directions. And here comes the stupid questions as well.



An old song, to make me feel safe again. Back to that age, full of passion for the upcoming days. The days arrived though, the passion left.
I m not translating the lyrics, even though I love them. It s like me.

Every choice has it s own price. Inevitable.
It also seems that I am a bad influence to others. Like a bad luck. No consolation for that.
I am the obstacle in someone's life. That s how I feel.


Μεγαλώνω και γίνομαι δυσκολότερος χαρακτήρας. Πιο ειρωνική θα έλεγα, πιο κλειστή, ίσως απαιτητική. Fuck it...
Τίποτα δεν είναι το ίδιο.


I feel alone tonight. That' s all.

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