Stress. Everybody uses the word. Everyone understands pretty much what it is.
It is literally everywhere around us and it's safe to say that all have experienced it me more than once in their lifetime.
Probably some of you know that a part of my eyebrows turned white overnight (I swear, I remember) when I was just 23, doing my Erasmus in Liberec. It's nothing ugly, I m used to it and I find it quite nice occasionally. I mostly don't pay attention anymore.
Same with some strands of hair on my head. This is way more common and there are people who turn completely gray in an early age. Rumours has it that genes play a role in this too.
Nail biting is another nasty demonstration. So many products have been developed to help people get over it. I m guilty of doing that too.
Something not much more rare than this is lip bitting. Honestly I cannot say that I see everyone doing it, but I know that I do it excessively. And it reaches the point where I bleed. The ugly turn it when it bleeds, I do it more. On purpose. And then I bear the pain until it heals, which doesn't take that long thankfully. However, it's a sign that something bothers my mind in a deeper level than "simple" stress.
It's an exhibition of self harm.
Here, I said it.
It doesn't always look bad or intense. I realize though, that, unfortunately, it may look as herpes.
And nobody speaks or questions about herpes (how rude!). The thing is noone speaks about self harm either.
If someone has a black eye, people tend to ask "who did this?" first. And then they may go to the "why?" if at all.
I would like to raise awareness on the matter of self harm. It is a real issue and the enemy of the person is the worst possible one : their own self.
Mind demons are tough to battle. You can't see them and many times you don't even realize their existence. They are one with you and distancing yourself is a whole journey.
I know about it because my own demons made me break glasses and harm myself, drink alcohol, get isolated and feel alone and even play with knifes and fire a couple of times.
Bitting my lips is apparently the tip of the iceberg. One way I can attest to them that I know they are present, but I m not going to listen to them anymore. Or at least, not this time.
And that's how the story goes: not THIS time, for every of the times a demon smirks or winks at me. I then bite my lips, tuck them back in a box forcefully, lock it and throw the box once again in the back of my head's attic. Till next time they get loose and come to face me and whisper nonsense.
I have a message for them:
Not.this.time!
