Read of the time:

 " I hate you- don t leave me". I found this gem on the internet and thought of giving it a try. It talks about BPD, so it is an excellent read for the curious ones. I will return to write something more on the topic once I finish it! :)

The world around me - highly sensitive person

It can be overwhelming sometimes. Sensory sensitivity is a real thing. Some consider it even an autistic trait. But there is also people who are highly sensitive. Those are a different category of people who may have auditory sensitivity or visual and even tactical (think of cats and their overstimulation). I have mostly the two first and they develop to emotional affection. I cannot watch thriller movies or anything that could potentially traumatize me a little bit because I will be thinking of it, for a very long time. 

The concept of high sensitivity was first introduced by psychologist Dr. Elaine N. Aron in the 1990s.

Give a shoutout to John Paul Summers on unsplash

People who are considered HSPs (highly sensitive people) have some common traits:

1. Empathy and emotional sensitivity - they understand others deeper and better

2. Intuition - even in the form of dreams sometimes- they have very high the "6th sense"

3. Depth of emotional processing- better emotional understanding- deeper connections with others

4. Sensory sensitivity- overstimulation - as explained above- however also soothed by stimuli (auditory, visual, tactile and less often taste (see food/snacks) and smell)

It is not considered a personality disorder as it is a normal personality trait (one of the many that exist depending on the model we look at - such as the big five (OCEAN= Openness to experience, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, Neuroticism )).

People who are HPSs, may have heightened attention to detail (such as dust!) or arts. They appreciate Arts and music although this is not a sign of being an HSP. Usually they have a ritual to calm themselves down when overstimulated although some may manage to regulate it and just relax when the stimulus is not any more present. I think I have managed to do this thus far. 

Some of us need to learn boundaries, however. 

Do you know anyone with these traits? Would you probably be one ?

Splitting - BPD related

"Splitting" is something that people with BPD are doing. This means that you had something/someone in high estimation but no longer value as much. So you go from a high point to a low one. And i think i m splitting on FB again. I am about to hate it. People are so ignorant about this personality disorder and they are so lost.

I want to help every single one but this is impossible.

I wish i had more power in my hands...

We're not smoking (weed) today, because...

...being high lowers the barrier to entry for other bad habits to rush in (overspending, overeating)

...we can't truly afford it despite having a bit of cash in our wallets

... we're not trying to have to do the early withdrawal days all over again

... it's a vote against the type of person we're trying to become

...it's hard enough to stay healthy without inflaming our lungs and airways

...wouldn't make our anxiety go away, just turn down the symptoms for like 2 hours

...it will only make tomorrow harder

...we don;t have to do that thing today that we're convinced would be bearable if we got stoned first

...we're reaching out to ask for help instead of just relying on willpower to white-knuckle sobriety

Taken from Reddit (source: https://www.reddit.com/r/leaves/comments/13l48l3/comment/jktauo6/ )

Another side of BPD

Today I feel like the world was asking just a little too much from me. This is due to the fact that I am a pleaser. I put others above me, and I cannot set boundaries. I want so badly to make friends, become famous for my qualities and appreciated and accepted for that. 

But alas. I am still in the beginning...

A call to all my BPD friends

I joined a facebook group where we speak about BPD and I see a lot of people not knowing how to handle the diagnosis. 

First of all, you need to think how much it influences your life. For a better understanding of the illness, please look at my post here: Who am I ( BPD related) 

Then knowing that it hinders your life in any possible way, you need to consider therapy. For some people talk therapy works just fine, for some others medication may be needed. I personally take antidepressants to fill the internal void I have been feeling (sense of emptiness) and fight the moments or days of depression I may be occasionally feeling. Also, I thought I have had social anxiety as I was hesitant to go into closed spaces (for example gym) or meet people in a cafe when they were already there (I couldn't enter if they wouldn't pick me up). But this is not right, as it turns out I have psychosis and not just social anxiety.

What is psychosis?

"Psychosis refers to a collection of symptoms that affect the mind, where there has been some loss of contact with reality. During an episode of psychosis, a person's thoughts and perceptions are disrupted and they may have difficulty recognizing what is real and what is not." (taken from Google). 

Chatgpt says the following nice stuff:

"It often involves a combination of hallucinations, which are sensory perceptions that are not based in reality (e.g., seeing or hearing things that aren't there), and delusions, which are fixed, false beliefs that persist even in the face of contradictory evidence.

Psychosis can be a symptom of several underlying mental health disorders, including schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder, severe depression, or substance-induced psychotic disorder. It can also occur as a result of certain medical conditions, such as brain tumors, infections, or neurological disorders.

The symptoms of psychosis can vary but may include:

1. Hallucinations: Sensory experiences that are not based in reality, such as hearing voices or seeing things that others don't.
2. Delusions: Strongly held false beliefs that are not aligned with reality, such as believing that one is being monitored or controlled by external forces.
3. Disorganized thinking: Difficulty organizing thoughts or expressing oneself coherently.
4. Disorganized or abnormal motor behavior: Exhibiting unusual behaviors, unpredictable movements, or catatonia.
5. Negative symptoms: Reduced ability to initiate and sustain activities, lack of emotional expression, and decreased motivation.

Psychosis can significantly impact a person's ability to function in daily life and may cause distress for both the individual and their loved ones. It is important to seek professional help if someone is experiencing symptoms of psychosis, as early intervention and appropriate treatment can lead to better outcomes. Treatment typically involves a combination of medication, psychotherapy, and support services."

In my case, psychosis was exhibiting by me seeing eyes around me watching me and following me. Also, I had the irrational fear that someone in the street may stab me while passing me by. On top of that I was afraid of opening doors, especially during the night, in fear of finding a dead body behind. I'm glad I take antipsychotic medication (called Reagila- no affiliations) and I no longer experience these symptoms. 

It is important to mention that psychotic people may recognize that their feelings are irrational and they get bothered by them - just like me. 

The difference with social anxiety is big. Social anxiety inhibits you from enjoying moments with other people, leading you to mostly stay alone at home. It is also a spectrum, so some people may show different intensity of the symptoms than others. 

I want to make the distinction clear so If you have any questions do not hesitate to contact me. I am open to discussion and this post is a call to all the people who may experience problems in their daily function.

How do you handle your psychosis? How do you think you may handle your diagnosis of BPD going forward? Are you considering therapy? Let me know below in the comments! 

how does stress work?

 Stress is a natural response that occurs when we perceive a threat, demand, or challenge. It triggers a complex physiological and psychological reaction in our bodies. Here's an overview of how stress works:

1. Perception and Activation: Stress begins with our perception and interpretation of a situation as potentially threatening or demanding. This can be a physical, emotional, or cognitive stressor. For example, a looming deadline, an argument, or a physical danger can activate the stress response.

2. Activation of the Stress Response: The stress response involves the activation of the sympathetic nervous system and the release of stress hormones, primarily cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones prepare the body for a "fight-or-flight" response, which is an adaptive mechanism designed to help us deal with perceived threats.

3. Physiological Changes: Stress triggers a cascade of physiological changes in the body, including:

   • Increased heart rate and blood pressure: The body prepares for action by pumping more blood to the muscles and vital organs.
   • Rapid breathing: Oxygen intake increases to supply the body with energy.
   • Dilated pupils: Peripheral vision improves, enhancing awareness of the surroundings.
   • Increased blood sugar levels: Glucose is released into the bloodstream to provide immediate energy.
   • Suppressed immune system: Chronic stress can weaken the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to illnesses.

4. Cognitive and Emotional Effects: Stress can also affect our cognition and emotions. It can lead to difficulties in concentration, memory, decision-making, and problem-solving. Emotionally, stress can cause irritability, anxiety, restlessness, and mood swings.

5. Stress Response Termination: Once the perceived threat or challenge subsides, the body's stress response is designed to return to normal functioning. The parasympathetic nervous system, often referred to as the "rest-and-digest" system, helps restore balance by counteracting the effects of the sympathetic nervous system.

6. Chronic Stress: While acute stress is a temporary response, chronic stress occurs when individuals are exposed to stressors for prolonged periods without adequate relief or coping mechanisms. Chronic stress can have detrimental effects on physical and mental health, contributing to conditions such as hypertension, cardiovascular disease, anxiety disorders, depression, and burnout.

It's important to note that individuals' responses to stress can vary, and what may be perceived as stressful for one person may not be the same for another. Additionally, while stress is a normal part of life, excessive or chronic stress can have negative consequences. Therefore, it's crucial to develop effective stress management strategies such as exercise, relaxation techniques, healthy coping mechanisms, social support, and seeking professional help when needed.

(taken from Chatgpt)

What is a personality disorder? (OCPD related)

A lot of you may be wondering what a personality disorder is. 

It is anything that doesn t allow the individual to function properly, normally according to the social norms.  These includes ticks, obsessions, fears and anything else that may keep the person from forming social bonds. They go beyond once in a while things, but they are daily habits or actions, thoughts or hidden motivations. 

The diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (DSM) has a list of a lot of these disorders and it is also free to use online. To qualify for a personality disorder you must tick several of the included characteristics that they mention in the DSM. Each disorder has its own characteristics. 

I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) that I mention very often. I also have Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) which is on a different spectrum than BPD. They are different cluster. B and C for those who want to read more on the topic. 

I have also spoken on a previous post about my delayed PTSD but I think this is much under control. 

When you have more than one personality disorder (PD), then there is comorbidity. Many times depression lurks around the corner for many of the disorders. BPD is one of them. Look at my past posts to read more on BPD or even PTSD. I would like to inform more on the OCPD not to be confused with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ).

The distinction is as follows (taken from Chatgpt):

1. Nature of the Disorders:

OCD: OCD is an anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors (compulsions). Individuals with OCD experience distressing and unwanted thoughts, which lead them to engage in rituals or repetitive actions to alleviate anxiety or prevent perceived harm.
OCPD: OCPD is a personality disorder characterized by a pervasive pattern of perfectionism, orderliness, control, and excessive attention to details. Individuals with OCPD have a rigid and inflexible way of thinking, functioning, and relating to others.


2.Focus of Symptoms:

OCD: OCD symptoms primarily revolve around specific obsessions and related compulsions. Obsessions are recurring thoughts, images, or impulses that cause distress, while compulsions are repetitive behaviors or mental acts performed to reduce anxiety or prevent harm.
OCPD: OCPD symptoms are centered on perfectionism, control, and excessive devotion to work and productivity. Individuals with OCPD often have rigid rules and high standards for themselves and others, leading to difficulties in interpersonal relationships.


3.Impact on Functioning:

OCD: OCD can significantly interfere with daily life and functioning. The obsessions and compulsions consume a considerable amount of time and energy, causing distress and impairing various areas of life, such as work, relationships, and social activities.
OCPD: OCPD, while causing challenges in relationships and personal well-being, generally does not impair functioning to the same degree as OCD. People with OCPD tend to be highly productive and may excel in their careers, but their rigid thinking and behavior can lead to difficulties in forming close relationships.


4.Perception of Symptoms:

OCD: Individuals with OCD are often aware that their obsessions and compulsions are excessive or irrational, but they feel compelled to engage in them due to the anxiety and fear provoked by their obsessions.
OCPD: People with OCPD typically perceive their behavior and thinking patterns as appropriate and in line with their values. They may not see a problem with their perfectionism and may struggle to understand why others find their behavior difficult to tolerate.

Let me know if you wanna see more content such as this or if you have any questions. 

I am quitting smoking.

 Random night, tonight is the first night of my freedom. I am doing it. 

While mourning for you...

   I wonder some times how my ex's are. I am in touch with some of them but others are lost in the past. And they shall remain of course there but BPD is a bitch and rumination is our power. So while ruminating you may find things you would rather not to. But some other times, there are revelations. Today was such day. My career as a researcher doesn't depend on the current degree I am doing. It depends on my first degree as a librarian. I do the references ... My current degree is just a specialization. I could even work in medical / psychology specialized libraries. They should exist somewhere...

   Everyone finds their way. Eventually. 

   I have so many regrets that have to do with my mental health... I wish I was diagnosed a decade earlier. To avoid some relationships. Possibly two specifically. One was a bit abusive and I don't want to expand on this at the moment. However, in the last I was the abuser. And I didn't know back then about my BPD. It would have made such a big difference in many ways... But what am I talking about? The end would have been the same. He would not follow me. Because I m sure he was cheating on me. I was a bit crazy, but not stupid. And my "crazy" self pushed him away. It hurts me but this is the truth...

   Anyway, regrets do not help, right?! No, they do not. 

    

What is delayed PTSD ?

In 2013 I lost my brother in a car accident. A car hit him and he died instantly. Or that's what we were told. 

In 2022 I got into my mom's car as I was visiting Thessaloniki and once she started speeding, I begun crying very loudly. I panicked, I freaked out. That's when I went to the doctor and I was diagnosed with all the nice things I have, however on this example I am explaining you, this is the delayed PTSD. The moments of freak come to you years after a traumatic event. And you re-experience some event. 

I was not present on my brother's death of course, however the pain and grief I felt afterwards for many many years were intense. So, it seems that all the pain accumulated and was let go in an instance. And many other instances that I won't mention here. 

People think that PTSD has to do with war or murders maybe, but this is not the case. The anguish and fear I felt when I lost my closest brother was extreme. Because I lost a part of me. My family was broken apart. Life is not the same ever after. 

Do you have any events that stigmatized you? How do you cope?

The fear of letting go (BPD related)

Therapy helps. Any kind of therapy helps in something, as a general statement. You just need to find the proper therapy for the specific problem/ issue you are facing with. Not all fits everyone in such case. Some therapies are proven more successful in some cases (see depression, BPD etc) whereas other therapies are not so much of a help in comparison. Let me know if you would like to know any specifics in the comments.

Anyway, I want to speak of the fear of success. 

This is an irrational fear of success, where you technically sabotage yourself because of that. You fear that if you are successful your life will change and who knows you may not even recognize yourself anymore. This fear is particularly tricky to avoid when you are doing therapy sometimes especially if there is a tendency/ disorder that underlies a saboteur. BPD is a suspect of this of course, therefore I am bringing it up. 

How to work around it?

Think positively. You are not losing anything, you are still you, without the negative aspects of the disorder. Without having someone sabotaging your efforts to becoming a better person. Without having to embarrass yourself or betray something/someone.

Don't ruminate. Don't let yourself fall into that trap of "what if". 

Ask for help. Discuss it with your friends and family or your therapist even. It is not embarrassing and it is not you who feel like that only. We are many.

Be gentle with yourself and take one step at a time. Every day you reset. You get one more chance. Use it wisely! 

You? What other thoughts do you have to battle with? What is your cope mechanism?

how my hair change me (pics)

naturally left:

Bleached with two colours:

bleached blond natural curls:

Bleached straightened:

one of the haircuts: 

in the process of lengthening:

Don't I look so different on each pic?

 

friends! (BPD related)

Friends are important. But can someone with BPD remain friends with someone?

First of all, the suspicions. The constant suspicions they may hit on us or me to them or if they have feelings but most importantly, if we can trust them! A person with BPD has problems with it - trust- and cannot form social relationships easily. I personally have OCPD as well, which may act sometimes as a pillow which pushes and exaggerates the BPD symptoms and some other times act as a gentle pillow, reducing the symptoms of it. 

Examples? 

1. Bad effect: People with OCPD want to be in control, they are fearful that if they lose it their life is going to be destroyed. People with BPD cannot trust others (easily or even at all in some cases), because they fear that their lives will be destroyed by them. Those two synergize and make an explosive cocktail of characteristics that leave me socially impaired. 

2. The good example now. The BPD has a tendency to overspend money and go on binges. The binges may be drugs, alcohol, food or shopping! However, the OCPD person is frugal and careful because he wants to be in control of the future and therefore plans and saves money. Those two in me synergise and cancel each other out. But this does not mean that I am neutral. On the contrary. I have periods where I am too... too... too frugal and careful ( Sorry Sudeep) and points where I may indulge myself on something extra. Though I have never had issues with credit cards, I believe I shall remain like this and this is the outcome of them cancelling each other out. 

This is how I personally explain that. And remember, now I am studying psychology, so I have much better knowledge of personality disorders than the average Jo! Yay!

Let's see, what else can impair the possible friendships. Lies are definitely a negative factor. Nobody likes lies but BPD people tend to lie out of compulsiveness. I personally do it out of fear. Maybe some of you can relate to a different feeling. But it happens. The frequency varies from one individual to another. Same with the intense anger. Everything varies, I won't repeat that statement.

The chronic feelings of emptiness may drive them to substance dependence/abuse disorder and or even depression. And on top of that you have our feeling of real or imagined abandonment as a cherry on the top. So, if you manage and become our acquaintance, we will stick to you (out of fear of losing you) and then you won't be able to breath and you will want to leave, which will trigger in us the fear of abandonment and we will have another cycle where you will just get tired of us and leave. Ooooofff, story of my life. 

Anyway, I did not go in as much depth as I was initially thinking so let me analyze it a bit further now that I know someone is at least interested in what I write :) (hello new friend!).

I have mentioned again that I qualify all the 9 points of the DSM-5. I have had suicidality when I was younger (come on now, my blog had been screaming!!) and paranoid ideation, which is no longer there as I am medicated properly! Thanks doc! 

I am actually very grateful to my doctor who diagnosed me immediately so we took an immediate action too. Because medications (Antidepressants and antipsychotics) take some time to start working. And oh god I remember those days. My eating reduced and I lost 2-3 kgs. I did not like food (still kind of don't). I was waking up at 06.00 AM and sleeping by 22.00 PM. I was going to the gym at odd hours, do puzzles, listen to music, study and work occasionally. And do therapy with him. I was also meeting with friends and even traveled at some point to Prague. That's how my schedule slowly adapted to a normal human being that has a preference to the night rather than 6 AM! 

Anyway, seeing my BPD on another person makes me wonder about me, reflect and connect as well on a different level more spiritual. However it is also shit, because of the aforementioned trust issues. Mine is heightened as I explained. 

How to make friends eventually?

Something to write (BPD related)

BPD makes me feel empty. And it makes me think that I am constantly missing something, there is a gap inside me. Pills may have helped in the beginning. Now it is habituation time, maybe? Perhaps.

I had a probably irrational thought that I would like to have a sister. Or who knows, maybe my mom lost one (she lost 3 babies as far as I know). Plus, there s the rumour for  a Brazilian sister, older than my oldest brother would be of course. Who knows, maybe I have a sister after all... But I would like to know. I would like to have a good relation with her. Brother replacement? Yes, in a sense could be. 

My PTSD flared up yesterday and today. Possibly a game I payed triggered it ("Shit happens"). I imagined deaths and loses of people. Sudden changes in life ( I hate those, they are always ominus). The game was all about that I mean. So, my delayed PTSD of my brothers' loss came back and bit me in the ass. No, I did not cry. But I sensed it in my guts. Like a knife penetrating my stomach. Real enough like a dream. 

From unsplash: Give a shoutout to Luke Stackpoole

I have high connection with dreams. No, I don't believe in them exactly as a prophecy, but I have very vivid dreams. I live in them sometimes. Like I live different lives. And I love that about my dreams. My nightmares are also interesting. And I have those occasionally too. I have taught myself how to wake myself up when I have a nightmare. It's simple: I scream! Or rather I try talking and asking for help. But nothing comes out but a faint scream so someone else wakes me up if present. Otherwise my voice wakes me up and sometimes I am paralyzed. I stare the ceiling. Doing nothing but relieving the dream. Then I can go back to sleep. 

I have a unicorn that I sleep with. Sometimes it soothes me to sleep. But I say that I need it for my hands. Which is also true, but not the primary reason. The unicorn was a gift from my partner and it brings me joy and makes me calm. I am a highly sensitive person and I need something to touch to relax. I am not autistic though. I don't have anything else to make me fall in the autistic spectrum. 

Anyways, I was saying about my dream and before that I was speaking about the PTSD. I have a weird, odd, bizarre feeling since then. Like the knife is still there. 

I feel like my partner isn't able to understand the complexity and spectrum of BPD. I don t even know if he is ready for all the shit show that it brings. 

Good news however! I was reading a book on scribd and new research is showing that BPD cay have a good course over the years. Which means? That it is curable with possibility of no relapse! Yayyy! I fell asleep though afterwards so I did not pay attention if it said if they used special treatment or what was the thing that played a role, but I think that they wouldn't mention it. It is too much to already make such big assumptions in a correlational (seem to be) research. 

Have you read anything related to BPD recently? Leave a comment below ! 

Who am I (BPD related)

I wanna run. Away from everything. Press restart once again, like when I was a teenager.

I want to fly away, just for a while, to have it for myself only. It, means the time and me. To have everything for myself. As my friend said " i need to be selfish and think of me". But how does one do it in a busy schedule?

I have some presentation coming up, Sudeep's visit, exams and a lot of studying. So I choose to leave in a different way, which results in me living in a different way. And that has consequences. Unforeseen or predictable?

Predictable I would say. The same path. Walked all over, again and again. Albeit now more mature, the consequences may be more in number and magnitude. I shan't explain this position as I am answering to myself tonight only. 

I have been grieving a loss and I am still grieving it. A new one, not the one about my brother. A different type of brother. 

Losing someone and moving out are the two most stressful events in an individual's life. And I am experiencing a loss in a different country as an expat. Fairly well I am doing, huh?

Call the culprit as Dopamine. I am an experience seeker, because of that. I seek thrill I cannot have. When I feel empty, even I don't know what I am seeking for. But I feel the pain it causes. On my skin? Not so much as on my soul.

I know I have BPD but this is a moment that accepting this fact is a little painful and difficult. The DSM- 5 comes to my mind and the list of symptoms:

1. Chronic feelings of emptiness
2. Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
3. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
4. Identity disturbance with markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
5. Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
6. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
7. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting")
8. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats, or self-harming behavior
9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

You need at least 5 out of 9 to qualify (please, do not self-diagnose but rather see a therapist and discuss your suspicions with them.). I sometimes qualify all 9 (thankfully not simultaneously, because disossiation is shit!). 

So now I wanna run. What have I done tonight? Who knows...

time is an illusion

Time does not exist. Not in Tilburg. Where the days are now longer... I love and hate it simultaneously. My favourite time is in the night. Peace and quiet. Time stops, clocks are running on the other hand. But that s all. I lose sleep, but I gain my time, my own personal development. Like babies need sleep to grow up, I need the night time.

I m doing a research to see if personality disorders have anything to do with cannabis addiction. After all, this is the reason I m studying psychology and I m focusing on OCPD, because I have it. It is still in its infancy so I cannot tell you anything at the moment. 

But stay tuned! 

Here with you.

Your perfume hugs me as it is all around me. You are everywhere in this house. From the mess on the floor, to the neatly organized disks and books you have. I wish I had a night with you. Naked in the sheets, making sweet love to each other. One night with you is all it takes to fall in love with me. And then you would never want to leave me. Once you taste my sweet nectar, like a bee you will fall trapped to the venus flytrap flower. I will devour your ego and demolish your presence!  That s BPD baby! 

I obviously started writing a story. A love story probably as this is what i usually write about. But then my BPD woke up and the story turned bad. I am still publishing this as an effort to educate the public of what type of thoughts a BPD person may have. Use wisely. 

Anna Maria 

The one

The one you cannot have, cannot be with. 

The one who is perfect, impeccable. 

The one who is everything, 

always and everywhere.

The one whose smell is haunting you

after few minutes spent with them.

The one who is lost somewhere.

The one who shall be lost somewhere. 

That one.

The one. 

The keyboard and I

We are looking at each other. My fingers are frozen. This house has set temperature at 20 degrees.  The reason I left few months ago to Greece and then Czech Republic. I migrated like the birds to warmer climates, lol! 

This song is playing on the background. I searched the lyrics, I love them. 

Redbull on hand and Gardenscapes open on the phone...

I m addicted. To many things. The scent of my candles, specific songs, games, substances...Oh yeah...

I m facing previously known faces in my head. I m talking to them and thankfully they do not respond. I don t know where they are, what they have been up to and rightfully so. But when I m bored I hold imaginary conversations with them. As if I care where they are and what they do. Relationships go two ways as I say. You need to pay attention to the "significant" other, otherways it is a one way street. 

"Life is good" as one of them would have said.