Looking for you

You know, I tried to find you tonight. I focused on the road at first, to the music next and then to the streets. You were nowhere to be found. I have you still inside me though I won't admit it. You don't exist, my mind made you!

I did not find you and I will not ever find you again. Like a hobbit lost in the forest of thoughts...

I lost you.

The wedding part 24

Jessica was tossing and turning on her bed. She was awaken by nightmares, the same one occurring again and again: the press chasing her. Making a bad name for her as the person responsible for Leo's divorce. She did not like that a bit. Leo had two kids that she had to think of. 

She was trying to find solutions and to imagine herself in the future with Leo. 

She got up and poured herself a glass of whiskey to relax. She thought of contacting some professional on the matter, but this had nothing to do with a neurological issue neither was it clearly a psychological issue to think of visiting a psychologist or a therapist.

But what did she have to lose contacting one? Just some of her time, and she had plenty ahead as things were going... 

However, she would also speak to a friend of hers first. She took her phone and texted "are you awake?" to a very familiar person. A response came back within a minute : "Netflix and chill? :P". "Idiot, come over", she replied.

Half an hour later and with pajamas on, her best friend walked in covered with a blanket.

- How are you silly? she hugged him.

- No, how are you? texting me in the middle of the night, you know it s 3 am! What happened sissy? Ah, drinking alone, no no!

The sat on the couch, she poured him another glass of whiskey and he removed snacks from his bag.

- You know, I have some news with Leo...

- Ah that bastard! What did he do?

- Oh nothing this time. I saw his wife the other day with a man, turns out she had been cheating on him too, but the press doesn t know this... Which means, that...

-... you are the bad guy in the story when it becomes public! he exclaimed alongside with her.

- That's right. And Leo has two kids. What am I going to do? This is turning out to be a reality. It started as having fun with someone, but it moved on quickly, don't you think so too?

- Well, your marriage was a disaster, so we both know very well why Leo was present in your life back then. 

- And then, what happened?

- You continued. Simple as this. 

- Yeah, I fell for this idiot, she grinned. But i don t know, do I want my own family?

- What happened to the "I don't want kids" Jessica that I knew?

- Well, I still don't want kids, but I am talking about Leo's kids.

- You found them, you adopt them. Make them yours.

- I always liked the idea of adopting kids. You may be right.

- Cheers sister! 

They continued talking till the sun came out and started blinding them. So they both went to sleep.

7/7 Ιουλία Καλλιμάνη

Το τραγουδάκι ειναι mood!

Just married?!

 Yes it’s a fact. Me and Sudeep are now signed on a partnership agreement!  I am back to Tilburg as you have understood from the previous post . Exams are coming and I m losing my head over it but not my sleep ! Lol! 

I started having Turkish lessons on Duolingo and I hired a tutor to explain me things that keep me from continuing. However today I marked my 50 days streak ! Hooray ! 

And I have hired a statistics tutor to guide me through the book of introduction to statistics course. It’s the third one I m trying and it seem to be a kind of match . Not fully trusting her as she is young and a little impatient (wait am I growing old???). But we have only had two classes . I m stuck on the fucking binomial distribution. But I m getting something little with every step and I have started very ahead of time thankfully! So I am not stressed with that at all, it will go smoothly once I start seriously studying it which I think I m getting there . 

Are you still wondering why Turkish? Why my dear… because if you have pie attention in the past I have tried it once again alone, completely. And it failed because I was young and not so determined to do it without help and structure . So I studied the verbs two or three times and I even wrote down things but that was all my effort eventually . Haha, I am laughing thinking about it! 

Anyway, I though I am unemployed why not use some extra time on my phone productively. And I tried every single language on Duolingo. Sudeep had bought the super duo so we were together in one package and that’s why I chose this app. I m not a paid promoter (I wish!). And I got stuck with Russian and Turkish. Not even Italian where I had the highest level of knowledge (second was German). And that’s it. I remember not missing a day and duo remembers it too hehe. 

Today I wrote down my five year plan. Hadn’t done it in a while. But I remember that I have hit every single spot of the first plan (or just the previous, I have only had one). But one thing: I didn’t become a manager however I am studying which is much much better. 

I just lost a friend, metaphorically. He moved. He used to live downstairs so he was a close neighbour and friend. We were having our tea parties. No more tea parties anymore for me and him. Maybe with someone else. I will try to convince my ex flatmate to do that instead of other activities. 

I didn’t dare learning Bulgarian this time because of Duolingo situation and because I am a little chickenish and I m too scared to try a Slavic language with Cyrillic alphabet. I basically don’t care if I speak the other language as long as I can understand a bit their songs. That’s the level I seek. And I think it is plausible. Maybe Bulgarian in the summer or after Easter if I m bored with Turkish. Hopefully not Duolingo. 

The other read for Turkish is the prospective of me to become an employee in some famous clothes store here in Tilburg. And there is a  big community of Turkish people so there could be a possibility of me practising?! I wish! That would be the ideal actually. But life is usually harder than this easy mode, so pray for me to stumble upon a nice suitable job for me. The library may wake up maybe? Shall I bug them maybe? I should update my cv pfffft. I hate doing this part. Although I do it easily on europass. Probably you have heard of it. 

Again, not affiliated! 

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Lovely neighborhood

 I love my neighborhood! There is a playground next to a cemetery. Bingo!