Happy 31st birthday

This year was not so bad. Whoever was expected to remember me, remembered me. Very predictable day. I have been studying and I got bored with the course of philosophy...

Son Durak - Tarkan

Lyrics and translation taken from : https://lyricstranslate.com/en/son-durak-last-stop.html

Son Durak

Tükettik biz, ne varsa

Kalmadı hiç umut

Güneşli bakan o gözler

Şimdi bulut bulut

 

Boğazımda bi' düğüm

Tutuldu aşk dilimde

Yıkıldı yere bir bir

Koca dağlar içimde

 

Çok istedim bu bi' rüya olsun

Senin için akan sular yine dursun

Ama ne zamanki kalbime sordum

"Yok, geri dönüşü yok" dedi

"Bu ayrılık kaderde yazılı" dedi

 

Sana "Kal" diyemiyorum

"Gitme" diyemiyorum

Son durak bu, biliyorum

Geldik yolun sonuna

 

Kalp kesti mi ümidi

Atmıyor eskisi gibi

Söndü mü aşk ateşi

Külü alev almıyor, bi' daha

 

Bir çiçek gibi narin

İhmale gelmez, aşk

Zaman denen hain

Ayırdı yolumuzu, bak

 

Çok üzülüyorum, inan

Belli etmesem de

Sessizce göz yaşlarım

Akar durur içime

 

Çok istedim bu bi' rüya olsun

Senin için akan sular yine dursun

Ama ne zamanki kalbime sordum

"Yok, geri dönüşü yok" dedi

"Bu ayrılık kaderde yazılı" dedi

 

Sana "Kal" diyemiyorum

"Gitme" diyemiyorum

Son durak bu, biliyorum

Geldik yolun sonuna

 

Kalp kesti mi ümidi

Atmıyor eskisi gibi

Söndü mü aşk ateşi

Külü alev almıyor, bi' daha

 

Sana "Kal" diyemiyorum

"Gitme" diyemiyorum

Son durak bu, biliyorum

Geldik yolun sonuna

 

Kalp kesti mi ümidi

Atmıyor eskisi gibi

Söndü mü aşk ateşi

Külü alev almıyor, bi' daha

 

Son durak bu, biliyorum

Geldik yolun sonuna

Söndü mü aşk ateşi

Külü alev almıyor, bi' daha

The Last Stop

We consumed, whatever was there

There is no hope left

Those sunny eyes are

Cloudy now

 

A knot in my throat

Love is held on my tongue

Collapsed to the ground one by one

Big mountains inside me

 

I really wanted this to be a dream

Let the flowing waters stop for you

But whenever I asked my heart

"Nope, there is no going back," it said

"This separation is destined," it said

 

I can't say "Stay" to you

I can't say "Don't go"

This is the last stop, I know

We have come to the end of the road

 

Did the heart lose hope?

It doesn't beat like before

Did the love fire burn out?

Its ash doesn't flame, again

 

Fragile like a flower

Negligence is a no for love

The traitor that's called time

Separated our way, look

 

I'm so sorry, believe me

Even though I don't make it obvious

Quietly, my tears

Keep dropping to my inside

 

I really wanted this to be a dream

Let the flowing waters stop for you

But whenever I asked my heart

"Nope, there is no going back," it said

"This separation is destined," it said

 

I can't say "Stay" to you

I can't say "Don't go"

This is the last stop, I know

We have come to the end of the road

 

Did the heart lose hope?

It doesn't beat like before

Did the love fire burn out?

Its ash doesn't flame, again

 

I can't say "Stay" to you

I can't say "Don't go"

This is the last stop, I know

We have come to the end of the road

 

Did the heart lose hope?

It doesn't beat like before

Did the love fire burn out?

Its ash doesn't flame, again

 

This is the last stop, I know

We have come to the end of the road

Did the love fire burn out?

Its ash doesn't flame, again

The wedding part 28

Her first destination was Tallinn, in Estonia. She would stay there a couple of days and then she would fly to Riga, Latvia, as these were very safe destinations for single female travelers. In her plans, she noted down to fly also to Vilnius if she felt like extending her vacation. She had taken a couple of days off and she would also work from abroad if she wanted to continue travelling. Her job was anyways flexible. 

She was a translator for different languages: English, Italian, Bulgarian and Russian. She was now working on her Spanish and she was studying it on her own time. She thought that the break from Leo would help her move on with her language skills. And that's how she was spending her days till she flew to Tallinn.

She arrived and felt like she left some heavy load behind her. She was no longer home. She checked her phone out of habit. She was expecting a message or a call, but it seemed like Leo would respect her wishes. 

The same night she went out in a local bar. She mingled with the locals and enjoyed local food and drinks. The next day she went sightseeing around and took few pictures. Her mind was stuck on Leo, but she needed this time alone. She kept visiting the same bar and made some new friends. Amongst them was also a guy from England, named Philip. There was some discreet flirt but she wasn't ready to commit to anything, especially a long term relationship. Therefore nothing happened between them at her own accord. 

The days moved on, she went to Riga and had similar fun there. She was going from mall to mall as it was very cold outside. In fact, it was snowing to both countries she visited so far. Her mind was finally free and her gaze would get amiss in the white scenery. She visited lots of cafes where she worked from on a new translation for her job. Work was gong excellent lately and was very satisfied. Traveling also helped her escape from her routine. The days went by.

She was eventually extending her stay, so she was packing when her phone rang. It had been a whole month since she had left. But the message was not from Leo...

Instead the message came from William actually. "Still dating this asshole?", asked bluntly. She ignored it. But the damage was done. She spent the next hours ruminating about Leo and if he indeed was an asshole. She had no apparent answer. 

Her flight was pleasant, she managed to finish the recent job she had taken and arrived tired at the hotel. She had no mood of going out, so she dined in a nearby restaurant. She was playing with her phone when she accidentally popped open the same message. She was now tipsy, well fed and tempted to respond.

She did. "We have actually split for a while. I am traveling at the moment". She replied honestly. That's where she ended up in her mind. That they had split up. She needed this breath of oxygen in her lungs. The reply came instantly: "where are you now?". "In Vilnius". He messaged back: "Are you having a good time?", he turned polite. "I have been to a couple of countries, met a bunch of awesome people and in short I am having a blast!", she was enthusiastic and cheerful. "Do you miss him?", he asked. Not knowing his intentions, she paused for a moment. 

-Do I? she thought out loud. 

She missed home. But her mind was also wandering around Leo many times. She called him immediately. 

- Jessica?! he exclaimed oddly. 

- Yes, hi Leo. How are you doing ? she replied with a typical question. 

- I am pleasantly surprised that you called.

- Yes, I wanted to know if I miss you, she explained.

-Oh, he paused. So? Do you miss me? he asked hesitantly. 

"What am I doing?" she thought. 

- Well, I do, that' s why I called you. 

- Oh, he exhaled out loudly. 

- Yeah, look, I know this is odd, but...

- But... ?

- Yeah let's say something happened that made me think a lot. 

- What? Are you alright?

- Yes, I do not mean physically... Thankfully, it's nothing like that. 

- Then what is it?

- Well, there is someone... she hesitated. Someone you know...

- Oh Christ, Jessica, why all these riddles. Stop playing me. 

- William is back! she blurted out panicked. 

does marijuana contain nicotine?

 

No, marijuana and nicotine are two different substances that are not naturally found in each other. Nicotine is a highly addictive stimulant found in tobacco products such as cigarettes, while marijuana is a plant that contains the psychoactive compound tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) and other cannabinoids. However, some products that combine marijuana and tobacco, such as blunts or spliffs, may contain nicotine if the tobacco is mixed in. It's important to note that nicotine can be harmful and addictive, and marijuana use can have potential risks and side effects, so it's important to use these substances responsibly and in accordance with local laws and regulations.

where does marijuana and nicotine bind to (type of receptors)?

Marijuana and nicotine bind to different types of receptors in the brain.

Marijuana's primary psychoactive compound, THC, binds to cannabinoid receptors in the brain, specifically the CB1 receptors. CB1 receptors are mainly found in the central nervous system, but they can also be found in peripheral tissues such as the spleen, immune cells, and gastrointestinal tract. THC's interaction with CB1 receptors leads to its psychoactive effects, including euphoria, altered perception, and relaxation.

Nicotine, on the other hand, binds to nicotinic acetylcholine receptors (nAChRs), which are located in the brain, autonomic ganglia, and neuromuscular junctions. Nicotine's interaction with nAChRs stimulates the release of several neurotransmitters, including dopamine, which is associated with reward and pleasure. This is why nicotine can be addictive and has reinforcing properties.

Both marijuana and nicotine have effects on the brain and body, but they do so by binding to different types of receptors.

The way that marijuana and nicotine work in the body is complex and involves multiple physiological and biochemical processes.

When THC from marijuana is ingested, smoked, or vaporized, it enters the bloodstream and is carried to the brain. Once in the brain, THC binds to CB1 receptors, which are located primarily in the areas of the brain responsible for memory, mood, and perception. This binding activates a cascade of biochemical processes that ultimately lead to the psychoactive effects associated with marijuana use, such as altered perception, euphoria, and relaxation.

Nicotine, on the other hand, enters the bloodstream when tobacco is smoked, chewed, or vaped, and then quickly crosses the blood-brain barrier to reach the brain. Once in the brain, nicotine binds to nicotinic acetylcholine receptors (nAChRs), which are located on the surface of neurons in the brain. This binding causes the release of several neurotransmitters, including dopamine, norepinephrine, and acetylcholine, which can produce feelings of pleasure, alertness, and increased cognitive function. Over time, the repeated use of nicotine can lead to changes in the brain that result in addiction and other negative health effects.

Sure, here's a more detailed explanation:

Marijuana:

When THC from marijuana enters the body, it is rapidly metabolized and distributed throughout the body, including the brain. Once in the brain, THC binds to CB1 receptors, which are primarily located in the regions of the brain responsible for memory, mood, and perception. CB1 receptors are part of the endocannabinoid system, which plays a role in regulating various physiological processes such as appetite, pain, and mood.

The binding of THC to CB1 receptors results in the activation of a signaling cascade that ultimately leads to the psychoactive effects associated with marijuana use. For example, the activation of CB1 receptors in the hippocampus, a brain region involved in memory, can impair short-term memory and increase forgetfulness. Similarly, activation of CB1 receptors in the amygdala, a brain region involved in emotional regulation, can lead to feelings of relaxation and euphoria.

In addition to CB1 receptors, THC can also interact with other receptors in the brain, such as CB2 receptors, which are primarily found in the immune system and peripheral tissues. THC's effects on these receptors are not fully understood, but they may play a role in some of the therapeutic effects of marijuana, such as pain relief and anti-inflammatory properties.

Nicotine:

When nicotine from tobacco enters the body, it is rapidly absorbed into the bloodstream and reaches the brain within seconds. Once in the brain, nicotine binds to nAChRs, which are located on the surface of neurons in various brain regions. nAChRs are part of the cholinergic system, which is involved in a wide range of physiological processes such as attention, learning, and memory.

The binding of nicotine to nAChRs results in the release of several neurotransmitters, including dopamine, which plays a key role in reward and motivation. This release of dopamine leads to feelings of pleasure and can reinforce the behavior of smoking or using tobacco products. Over time, repeated nicotine use can lead to changes in the brain's reward system, resulting in addiction and other negative health effects such as increased risk of heart disease and lung cancer.

Nicotine can also interact with other types of receptors in the brain, such as beta-adrenergic receptors and serotonin receptors, which can contribute to some of its effects on the body, such as increased heart rate and improved mood.

It's worth noting that the effects of both marijuana and nicotine can vary depending on several factors, including the method of administration, the dose, and the individual's physiological makeup. Additionally, the long-term effects of both substances on the brain and body are still not fully understood, and more research is needed to better understand these complex interactions.

which is more addictive?

Both marijuana and nicotine can be addictive, but the way they affect the brain and body is different, and the likelihood of addiction can vary depending on several factors.

Nicotine is considered to be one of the most addictive substances known to science, with an estimated 80-90% of people who use tobacco products becoming dependent on nicotine. This is due in part to the rapid release of dopamine in the brain that occurs when nicotine binds to nAChRs, which can reinforce the behavior of smoking or using tobacco products. Over time, repeated nicotine use can lead to changes in the brain's reward system, resulting in addiction and other negative health effects such as increased risk of heart disease and lung cancer.

Marijuana, on the other hand, is generally considered to be less addictive than nicotine, with an estimated 9% of people who use marijuana becoming addicted. However, this can vary depending on factors such as the frequency and duration of use, the potency of the product, and individual susceptibility. The addictive potential of marijuana is thought to be related to its effects on the brain's reward system and its ability to produce feelings of relaxation and euphoria, which can reinforce the behavior of using marijuana.

It's worth noting that addiction is a complex phenomenon that can have multiple factors, including genetics, environment, and social factors. Additionally, both marijuana and nicotine can have significant negative health effects beyond addiction, and it's important to use these substances responsibly and in consultation with a healthcare provider.

 

The wedding part 27

"Wanna come over for a coffee? I have something to discuss", Jessica sent him few days later."Sure", he replied. "And... I missed you. See you at 17:00?". "Yes".

Leo arrived well dressed and brought with him some sweets from the bakkery. He was in a good mood and was excited to see her after all these days. She welcomed him with a kiss on the lips and a warm hug. They really hadn't seen each other for long again! She poured them some coffee:

- How are you doing? She asked him genuinely.

- I am fine now that I can see you and touch you, he smiled at her.

- Yeah, long time... What's up with your career? All good?

- Yes, thank god I have had lots of work lately. In fact, I m recording a new cd. I will have many nice songs that you may like this time. I signed a contract with company X, so you know, they have great songwriters. 

- Oh really? That is such great news! I love that! she exclaimed.

- I know, I am excited now that I can see you again.

- Ah yes, about that, I wanted to talk to you actually, she hesitated.

- What is it again Jessica?! he nagged. 

- Nothing too crazy, but I would like to take some time alone and travel somewhere...

He looked at her puzzled.

- I want to feel a little bit alone, Leo, that's all. 

- Nothing weird going on, you promise? he kissed her hands.

- Nothing weird, I promise, she relaxed him with her words.

- But when will I see you next then? 

- You will see me once i m back, I m figuring it out for now. It won't be long. 

- Ok baby, we will be in touch he said and was about to kiss her, but she stopped him:

- Well, about this I wanted to talk to you mostly... I want no communication. I want to leave in peace and come back with even more peace. 

He looked puzzled again. She smiled at him. 

- I don't really know what to say but I have to respect your wishes. You will come back and be mine then, right? he assumed.

- What is this, now, Leo? Where is the strong man I knew? she joked. 

- I have a soft spot for you, darling, he whispered in her ear and they ended making love on the couch. 

This time it was very gentle. He was pushing himself inside her so slowly and painfully steadily for hours. She was devouring his whole ego, reaching one orgasm upon another. She came in his hands so many times they lost count. 

This time it was so much different. Like it was their first and only time together. Leo had moved out long time ago and they had more time lately together. Although, today was even more special... Leo fell asleep in her arms, something that had never happened before. Jessica was feeling love for this person. She kissed his forehead and slowly woke him up to send him off to work.

They said their good byes and good nights and Jessica started planning her trip online.

The wedding part 26

 The therapy session got renewed for the next week so they could discuss possible solutions to her problem. The only thing the Dr. mentioned was that she was stressed from all her daily life as the events went on so far.

Leo called her right after and requested for a meeting. They met at her place and he asked her how she was doing...

-I haven't seen you in a while, he said sweetly. 

- Yeah, work got busy, she lied easily. Plus, I don't sleep very well. I must be very stressed with all what happens around me.

-What is it baby? Do you wanna talk to me?

They talked about how stressed she feels with this new situation and asked for some time. 

- To think it over and relax a little. 

- This means I won't be seeing you for some time? he whimpered gently.

- That's about right...

They parted their ways and that evening they did not have sex at all. They only kissed like it was their last time.

Jessica went to work the next day and then visited the library. She wanted to remember how things started more than two and a half years back. She roamed around and picked a book to read and spend some hours with her face deep down in the book.

They did not meet for a while. Even at the gym their schedules were different. Some occasional "I 'm thinking of you" were received by Jessica, but she was adamant in her choice of some free-of-Leo time. And that's how the near days passed.

The wedding part 25

They woke up and had a coffee, lightly talking about other people... Jessica looked up for a therapist the same evening and booked an appointment online for right the next day, for intake. 

She appeared in the psychologist's office dressed casually, where she was greeted by the secretary:

- Please, Dr Marietta is in her office waiting for you! she smiled at Jessica.

She entered and after introducing themselves she sat down.

- My name is Dr Marietta Morisson and I am a clinical psychologist. You can call me Marietta. I would like to ask if it is ok with you if i take some notes, while we converse? she asked chirply. 

- Sure, not a problem, replied Jessica on the same note.

- So, Jessica, what brings you here today? 

- Ehm, I m not so sure how to interpret it, and I am not even sure I am in the right place...she hesitated.

- Let's see, I don t want you to interpret anything, I would just like you to tell me if you have any worries lately, she asked in a kind tone.

- Oh yeah, I do have a bunch of them to be honest, but it s this recurring nightmare that brought me here today if I may be open.

- Oh yes of course you can and I want you to, she smiled. Tell me more about this nightmare...

- Yes, sure. You see the matter is a little too... delicate let's say. 

- Anything you say in this room is strictly confidential. It stays in this room.

Jessica exhaled a deep breath.

- Well, I have a nightmare where the press is chasing me. She cleared her throat. I have a secret relationship with someone famous and there is a problem...

- What kind of problem, the Dr. enquired. 

- He is married and getting a divorce right now. But his wife also cheated on him! she tried to cover it up quickly as if she could bury the shame. 

- For how long have you been seeing the nightmare?

- About few days now, but it is exhausting, I cannot function properly anymore. I cannot sleep properly.

- Tell me more about this relationship. 

- He has two kids... Recently we found out about the wife's infidelity. The divorce is in progress anyway now...

- So, if I hear you correctly, this man has been seeing you for quite some time now?

- Yes, it's been two and a half years years now that we are hiding...

- And how do you feel about it? she enquired while taking notes.

- I don't like it that much. 

Silence in the air. Jessica continued:

- I was seeing someone before and even earlier I was married and things with him now got out of hand and I had the press asking me questions and I m not good with the fame... you know...

- I am a little confused. Shall we take it from the beginning?

Then Jessica proceeded to explain how they met in a library, went on harmless dates for some time till feelings developed and they had sex and proceeded to enter a secret relationship on and off with him. She told her about the secret code and all the details she could fit in about 30 minutes. She mentioned William and her feelings for him that were mediocre...the move... the gifts and so much more. 

Song of the mood

The original i wanted to post is not available on youtube unfortunately, so I found the second relevant song of this period!
(original : Mente Fuerte. ObieDaz - Pou pas)

 

The definition of intelligence

Intelligence, or "νοημοσύνη" (noimosíni) in Greek, is a complex and multifaceted ability that involves various aspects of mental capacity. It's like having a toolbox in your mind with different tools for solving problems, learning, adapting to new situations, and making good decisions.

Intelligence includes skills such as logical reasoning, problem-solving, critical thinking, creativity, memory, and the ability to learn from experience. It also involves the capacity to adapt to different environments and situations effectively. Intelligence is not just about knowing facts; it's about using knowledge and skills to navigate the world and achieve goals.

It's important to remember that there are different theories and definitions of intelligence, and it can manifest in various ways in different individuals. Some people excel in mathematical or linguistic intelligence, while others may have strong interpersonal or spatial intelligence. Intelligence is a diverse and valuable aspect of human capability.

Source: Chatgpt recovered on 19/09/2023

Να θυμηθούμε τα παλιά

Την κοίταξε στα μάτια. Έλιωσε, σε μια στιγμή...

Τσαφ.

Ανομολόγητα

 

04-02-2012

 

Η μετριοπάθειά μου κατακλύζει το είναι, τις στιγμές που η αυτοπεποίθησή μου θα έπρεπε να ρίχνει το ηθικό των γύρω μου. Αγαπάω κάθε κύτταρο μου τόσο πολύ που φοβάμαι πως δε θα μου είναι αρκετή η αγάπη ενός συντρόφου. κανείς δε θα με κατακτήσει στο 100%, γιατί είμαι τόσο ιδιαίτερη που ακόμα κι εγώ με δυσκολεύω σαν ύπαρξη. είμαι περίεργη, παράξενη, μοναδική και θέλω να αναπτυχθώ ακόμα πιο πολύ. μ αρέσει να ξεχωρίζω γιατί γεννήθηκα μ αυτό το στίγμα. άστρο το λένε; Άλλοι το λένε βλακεία. μα ποιος νοιάζεται; Ίσως αν μου κρεμάσω την ταμπέλα «εγωίστρια», να πάψω να χω τύψεις για τις παράλογες πράξεις μου. έχω δυσκολία στη διαχείριση καταστάσεων, γιατί ποτέ δεν ανέλαβα το ρίσκο της πρωτοβουλίας. κι αν έφερα εις πέρας κανα δυο πραγματάκια ήταν ανάγκη συνθηκών. Ω, φως των ματιών μου. Οι παραδοχές μου ξεπερνάνε και τα όρια της μαλάκυνσης μερικών ατόμων. Κι η μοναξιά; Εκεί παλεύεις και χάνεσαι. Κι ενίοτε ξαναγυρνάς. Άλλοτε την αποζητάς και γίνεται λιμάνι πόθων. Σ ένα γλυκό τετ- α- τετ όπου όλα είναι επιτρεπτά υπό τη δικαιολογία της παραφροσύνης. και να το ταμπελάκι που κρεμιέται. μα σπάσε πια τις αλυσίδες! Για το γαμώ το της ελευθερίας...

Συνεχώς ο εαυτός μου με τρομάζει κι ανακαλύπτω νέα όρια. Μέχρι που η τρέλα του νου να συμπέσει με την κοινή τρέλα και να με κλείσουν σ ένα δωμάτιο. Κι εκεί θα χω την ευκαιρία να φιλοσοφήσω σε βάθος, έννοιες που ποτέ δε θα αγγίξω. Αγάπη, μίσος, φόβος, αιωνιότητα και κάθε τι στην υπέρτατη μορφή του. Κι αναρωτιέμαι... να σωθώ ή να παλέψω μ ολιγοστές δυνάμεις; Η σκέψη της ήττας με νικά πριν καν ξεκινήσω τη μάχη. Κι ας ξέρω πως δε θα χάσω τον πόλεμο...

 

 

 

 

05-02-2012

 

Κουράστηκα, σιχάθηκα την ίδια μονότονη ζωή. Μα αν τα τινάξω όλα στον αέρα θα βάλω μπουρλότο και σε ζωές άλλων και θα κατηγορηθώ για υποκρισία και αστάθεια χαρακτήρα. πόσο χαλιέμαι να με ξέρουν οι άλλοι καλύτερα από μένα! Αναρωτιέμαι πια τι δείχνω και τι κρατάω για μένα. Όλα γύρω μου φαντάζουν ψεύτικα, στιγμές που το μυαλό μου παίρνει στροφές ανάποδες. Έχω μια δύναμη κρυφή. Μέσα μου, που όλα θέλει να τα κατασπαράξει, Να φτιάξω τη ζωή μου θέλω μόνο, απαγορεύονται όμως οι ενέργειές. Τα λάθη μου σίγουρα τα πληρώνω κι αναρωτιέμαι ως πότε θα είναι η αποπληρωμή. Έχω έντονα μέσα μου ένα μόνιμο πισωγύρισμα, μόνο που πλέον έχει αρχίσει να με κατανικά. Δεν έχουν σημασία για κανέναν τα λόγια και οι σκέψεις μου κι όλοι περνούν. Έρχονται και πάνε. Καθείς στο δικό του δρόμο, στο μονοπάτι που διαλέγει. εγώ μονάχα τρέμω μήπως στα μονοπάτια που διαλέγω μείνω μόνη και αναγκαστώ ν αντιμετωπίςω τον μεγαλύτερο μου εχθρό: τον εαυτό μου! Όπως κάνω τώρα σε μια υπόγεια μάχη. Είναι βλέπεις, πολύ σκληρός ανταγωνιστής, μα πάνω από όλα κριτής. Με κρίνει ανελέητα. Μα πως μπορεί, αφού εγώ πράττω τις δικές του προσταγές; Δικά του είναι τα λάθη μιας και υποτάσσομαι τυφλά...

 

 

Καταλαβαίνω με τον καιρό πως δεν έχει σημασία τι περνάω μα ποιοι είναι δίπλα μου. Ανησυχία με πιάνει γι αυτό, γιατί φαντάζομαι τι με περιμένει. Μα δεν ξερω ποιοι θα απαλύνουν τον πόνο μου εις μέλλοντες καιρούς. Αφήνοντάς με να τον μοιραστώ μαζί τους. «απραγία», η λέξη που με χαρακτηρίζει στο τώρα. Είναι λέξη δυνατή κι ας μοιάζει τόσο κουτή. Είναι το αντίθετο της ενέργειας τρόπο τινά κι όλοι νιώθουμε τη δύναμή της ακόμα κι όταν την προφέρουμε.

How does deep brain stimulation work? (Parkinson's disease)

Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS) is a neurosurgical procedure used to treat various neurological disorders, primarily Parkinson's disease, essential tremor, and dystonia. It involves the implantation of a medical device, commonly referred to as a "brain pacemaker," into specific regions of the brain to modulate neural activity and alleviate symptoms.

Here's a general overview of how deep brain stimulation works:

1. Implantation: A neurosurgeon places thin, insulated electrodes into targeted areas of the brain. The specific brain region targeted depends on the disorder being treated. These electrodes are connected to a pulse generator, a battery-powered device usually implanted in the chest or abdomen.
2. Electrode Placement: The electrodes are carefully positioned using advanced imaging techniques, such as MRI or CT scans, to ensure they are in the correct brain region. Accurate electrode placement is crucial to achieving optimal therapeutic effects while minimizing potential side effects.
3. Stimulation Parameters: The pulse generator sends electrical pulses to the electrodes, which in turn deliver controlled electrical impulses to the targeted brain area. The parameters of the stimulation, such as frequency, amplitude, and pulse width, can be adjusted to tailor the treatment to an individual's needs.
4. Neural Modulation: The electrical impulses from the electrodes influence the activity of neurons in the targeted brain region. The exact mechanism of how DBS works is not fully understood, but it is thought to involve the modulation of abnormal neural firing patterns and the restoration of more balanced neural activity.
5. Symptom Relief: By modulating neural activity, DBS can effectively alleviate symptoms of movement disorders like tremors, rigidity, and bradykinesia (slowness of movement) associated with Parkinson's disease. It can also improve the quality of life for patients with essential tremor and dystonia.
6. Adjustments and Monitoring: After the initial surgery, the stimulation parameters can be adjusted by medical professionals to optimize symptom relief and minimize side effects. Regular monitoring and follow-up appointments are essential to fine-tune the stimulation settings as the patient's condition may change over time.

It's important to note that DBS is a complex procedure and is not suitable for all patients. The decision to undergo DBS is typically made after a thorough evaluation by a multidisciplinary team of neurologists, neurosurgeons, and other healthcare professionals.

While DBS can provide significant benefits, it also carries certain risks, including surgical complications, infection, and potential side effects related to stimulation, such as mood changes or cognitive effects. DBS continues to be an active area of research, and advancements in technology and understanding of neural circuits may lead to further refinements in the procedure.

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder: A Closer Look

Introduction

In today's fast-paced world, mental health issues have gained increased attention, shedding light on conditions that were once misunderstood or ignored. One such condition is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Often surrounded by misconceptions, BPD is a complex mental health disorder that affects a significant number of individuals worldwide. In this article, we will delve into the basics of BPD, its symptoms, potential causes, and available treatment options.

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Borderline Personality Disorder, often abbreviated as BPD, is a mental health condition characterized by a pattern of unstable relationships, self-image, and emotions. People with BPD often experience intense mood swings, impulsive behaviors, and difficulty regulating their emotions. This disorder can make it challenging to maintain stable relationships, work effectively, and lead a fulfilling life.

Symptoms of BPD

The symptoms of BPD can vary widely, but there are common signs to watch out for:
Intense Emotions: Individuals with BPD often experience extreme emotions that can change rapidly. They might feel very happy one moment and deeply distressed the next, making it hard to predict their emotional state.
Unstable Relationships: Maintaining stable and healthy relationships can be difficult for people with BPD. They might idealize someone initially, but then quickly shift to seeing that person in a negative light.
Impulsive Behavior: Impulsivity is a hallmark of BPD. This could manifest as reckless spending, substance abuse, binge eating, risky sexual behavior, or other impulsive actions without considering the consequences.
Unstable Self-Image: People with BPD may struggle with a consistent sense of self. They might have a distorted self-image and lack a clear understanding of who they are, leading to feelings of emptiness.
Fear of Abandonment: Individuals with BPD often have an intense fear of being abandoned by their loved ones. This fear can lead to clingy behavior or efforts to prevent perceived abandonment, even if it's not warranted.

Causes of BPD

The exact causes of BPD are not fully understood, but a combination of genetic, environmental, and neurological factors is thought to play a role. Some potential factors include:
Genetics: Family history of BPD or other mental health disorders might increase the risk of developing BPD.
Brain Structure and Function: Research suggests that certain brain areas responsible for emotional regulation may function differently in individuals with BPD.
Childhood Trauma: Experiencing childhood trauma, such as abuse or neglect, could contribute to the development of BPD.
Environmental Factors: Growing up in an unstable or invalidating environment may also contribute to the development of BPD traits.

Treatment Options

The good news is that BPD can be managed and treated with the right approach. Here are some common treatment options:
Therapy: Psychotherapy, especially Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), has shown to be effective in helping individuals with BPD learn skills to manage their emotions, improve relationships, and cope with stress.
Medication: While medication is not a primary treatment for BPD itself, it can help manage certain symptoms like depression, anxiety, or mood swings and paranoia.
Support Groups: Joining support groups or attending group therapy sessions can provide individuals with BPD a sense of community and understanding.
Lifestyle Changes: Practicing self-care, maintaining a regular routine, and adopting stress-reduction techniques like mindfulness can contribute to overall well-being.

Conclusion

Borderline Personality Disorder is a challenging condition that affects many aspects of a person's life. However, with the right treatment and support, individuals with BPD can learn to manage their symptoms and lead fulfilling lives. It's essential to promote awareness and understanding of BPD, dispelling misconceptions and fostering empathy. If you or someone you know is struggling with BPD, remember that seeking professional help is the first step towards a brighter future.

Hello from Prague!

So the time arrived. I am in Prague waiting for this day to pass so we can start the Eurotrip with final destination Thessaloniki, Greece. 

Everyone knows by now I come from Thessaloniki and I am engaged to Sudeep (see post for my engagement pictures). 

First stop: Slovenia tomorrow ! 

I will be Vlogging if i figure out how to :)

See ya!

Living abroad - Video

 

About my vacation- Vlogging with Sudeep (Video)

 

The criteria for BPD ! Vlodcast 3

 

What is a personality disorder ? Vlodcast 2

 

Video podcast! (Vlodcast 1)

 

A fleeing thought

I am a kid with 30 years of experience. 

I don't feel like an adult although I m doing adult life. I have to take care of myself, pay rent, cook, do my own stuff...

Από σένα

Σταμάτησα και σε κοίταξα για λίγο. Φορούσα το κράνος μου, σταθμευμένη στη μέση του δρόμου, λίγη απο τη λάμψη σου να πάρω. ΜΑ μόλις μμε αντίκρυσες τα έχασα κι έβαλα μπρος κι έφυγα... Γι άλλη μία φορά. 

Life changes

In a brief moment. You may miss someone or something from your life...

You may meet someone new, a new journey starts...

Life changes...

Nobody likes changes

But I ponder why. Why do people look for stability over change? 

I do not have stability in my life as I 'm doing long distance with my fiance. So, every few months, he is here or I visit Prague or Thessaloniki. No day is the same as the previous.

It is a tough period now as I have had exams which did not go as expected. However, I passed a very difficult course for me: introduction to statistics! Which was also unexpected, so good for me! Now I am having resits of the second semester (2 blocks of courses) and I have another 4 exams! That's a lot but in the meantime I started working. 

I worked in the Efteling - in the hotel as a maid twice- and today was my first day in H&M. Very easy job but lots of standing. Although it is difficult, i will work there (max) for 18 days (almost a working month, thinking about it) till my vacation only, just to make some money so I can pay for groceries... So I can count them and in between I will be having lessons and exams. 

But who is going to the water park on Sunday with friends??? ME!!! YAYYYY!!!

Should I do a give away?

I want to make an easy giveaway to prove that nobody reads me. I will post my mail and I will give a PS4 game to anyone who mails me at annoulitsa92<@> gmail.com .

Simple as this. Go

If I am lost

is because it is exam period and i am maniacally study. I haven't studied so much even for the national exams... And back then, oh boy were they difficult! I had to give exams in 6 different courses. 

Anyway, I am slowly conquering statistics and things start making sense. As an old gal used to say: I am like the brown belt in karate. They know everything, they are one step before the black belt and they mix up stuff. And as I say this is the storm before the rainbow. 

Stay strong my comrades and good luck to all of us! 

sad news for me

My PS4 just broke down and i m feeling low. IF you are interested in supporting me and if you like my work and you think i deserve something, please consider sending some minor donation through the paypal button i have on the right side up on this blog. I promise i will use the money wisely as I am currently unemployed...

Thanks to all the readers in advance!  

Read of the time:

 " I hate you- don t leave me". I found this gem on the internet and thought of giving it a try. It talks about BPD, so it is an excellent read for the curious ones. I will return to write something more on the topic once I finish it! :)

The world around me - highly sensitive person

It can be overwhelming sometimes. Sensory sensitivity is a real thing. Some consider it even an autistic trait. But there is also people who are highly sensitive. Those are a different category of people who may have auditory sensitivity or visual and even tactical (think of cats and their overstimulation). I have mostly the two first and they develop to emotional affection. I cannot watch thriller movies or anything that could potentially traumatize me a little bit because I will be thinking of it, for a very long time. 

The concept of high sensitivity was first introduced by psychologist Dr. Elaine N. Aron in the 1990s.

Give a shoutout to John Paul Summers on unsplash

People who are considered HSPs (highly sensitive people) have some common traits:

1. Empathy and emotional sensitivity - they understand others deeper and better

2. Intuition - even in the form of dreams sometimes- they have very high the "6th sense"

3. Depth of emotional processing- better emotional understanding- deeper connections with others

4. Sensory sensitivity- overstimulation - as explained above- however also soothed by stimuli (auditory, visual, tactile and less often taste (see food/snacks) and smell)

It is not considered a personality disorder as it is a normal personality trait (one of the many that exist depending on the model we look at - such as the big five (OCEAN= Openness to experience, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, Neuroticism )).

People who are HPSs, may have heightened attention to detail (such as dust!) or arts. They appreciate Arts and music although this is not a sign of being an HSP. Usually they have a ritual to calm themselves down when overstimulated although some may manage to regulate it and just relax when the stimulus is not any more present. I think I have managed to do this thus far. 

Some of us need to learn boundaries, however. 

Do you know anyone with these traits? Would you probably be one ?

Splitting - BPD related

"Splitting" is something that people with BPD are doing. This means that you had something/someone in high estimation but no longer value as much. So you go from a high point to a low one. And i think i m splitting on FB again. I am about to hate it. People are so ignorant about this personality disorder and they are so lost.

I want to help every single one but this is impossible.

I wish i had more power in my hands...

We're not smoking (weed) today, because...

...being high lowers the barrier to entry for other bad habits to rush in (overspending, overeating)

...we can't truly afford it despite having a bit of cash in our wallets

... we're not trying to have to do the early withdrawal days all over again

... it's a vote against the type of person we're trying to become

...it's hard enough to stay healthy without inflaming our lungs and airways

...wouldn't make our anxiety go away, just turn down the symptoms for like 2 hours

...it will only make tomorrow harder

...we don;t have to do that thing today that we're convinced would be bearable if we got stoned first

...we're reaching out to ask for help instead of just relying on willpower to white-knuckle sobriety

Taken from Reddit (source: https://www.reddit.com/r/leaves/comments/13l48l3/comment/jktauo6/ )

Another side of BPD

Today I feel like the world was asking just a little too much from me. This is due to the fact that I am a pleaser. I put others above me, and I cannot set boundaries. I want so badly to make friends, become famous for my qualities and appreciated and accepted for that. 

But alas. I am still in the beginning...

A call to all my BPD friends

I joined a facebook group where we speak about BPD and I see a lot of people not knowing how to handle the diagnosis. 

First of all, you need to think how much it influences your life. For a better understanding of the illness, please look at my post here: Who am I ( BPD related) 

Then knowing that it hinders your life in any possible way, you need to consider therapy. For some people talk therapy works just fine, for some others medication may be needed. I personally take antidepressants to fill the internal void I have been feeling (sense of emptiness) and fight the moments or days of depression I may be occasionally feeling. Also, I thought I have had social anxiety as I was hesitant to go into closed spaces (for example gym) or meet people in a cafe when they were already there (I couldn't enter if they wouldn't pick me up). But this is not right, as it turns out I have psychosis and not just social anxiety.

What is psychosis?

"Psychosis refers to a collection of symptoms that affect the mind, where there has been some loss of contact with reality. During an episode of psychosis, a person's thoughts and perceptions are disrupted and they may have difficulty recognizing what is real and what is not." (taken from Google). 

Chatgpt says the following nice stuff:

"It often involves a combination of hallucinations, which are sensory perceptions that are not based in reality (e.g., seeing or hearing things that aren't there), and delusions, which are fixed, false beliefs that persist even in the face of contradictory evidence.

Psychosis can be a symptom of several underlying mental health disorders, including schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar disorder, severe depression, or substance-induced psychotic disorder. It can also occur as a result of certain medical conditions, such as brain tumors, infections, or neurological disorders.

The symptoms of psychosis can vary but may include:

1. Hallucinations: Sensory experiences that are not based in reality, such as hearing voices or seeing things that others don't.
2. Delusions: Strongly held false beliefs that are not aligned with reality, such as believing that one is being monitored or controlled by external forces.
3. Disorganized thinking: Difficulty organizing thoughts or expressing oneself coherently.
4. Disorganized or abnormal motor behavior: Exhibiting unusual behaviors, unpredictable movements, or catatonia.
5. Negative symptoms: Reduced ability to initiate and sustain activities, lack of emotional expression, and decreased motivation.

Psychosis can significantly impact a person's ability to function in daily life and may cause distress for both the individual and their loved ones. It is important to seek professional help if someone is experiencing symptoms of psychosis, as early intervention and appropriate treatment can lead to better outcomes. Treatment typically involves a combination of medication, psychotherapy, and support services."

In my case, psychosis was exhibiting by me seeing eyes around me watching me and following me. Also, I had the irrational fear that someone in the street may stab me while passing me by. On top of that I was afraid of opening doors, especially during the night, in fear of finding a dead body behind. I'm glad I take antipsychotic medication (called Reagila- no affiliations) and I no longer experience these symptoms. 

It is important to mention that psychotic people may recognize that their feelings are irrational and they get bothered by them - just like me. 

The difference with social anxiety is big. Social anxiety inhibits you from enjoying moments with other people, leading you to mostly stay alone at home. It is also a spectrum, so some people may show different intensity of the symptoms than others. 

I want to make the distinction clear so If you have any questions do not hesitate to contact me. I am open to discussion and this post is a call to all the people who may experience problems in their daily function.

How do you handle your psychosis? How do you think you may handle your diagnosis of BPD going forward? Are you considering therapy? Let me know below in the comments! 

how does stress work?

 Stress is a natural response that occurs when we perceive a threat, demand, or challenge. It triggers a complex physiological and psychological reaction in our bodies. Here's an overview of how stress works:

1. Perception and Activation: Stress begins with our perception and interpretation of a situation as potentially threatening or demanding. This can be a physical, emotional, or cognitive stressor. For example, a looming deadline, an argument, or a physical danger can activate the stress response.

2. Activation of the Stress Response: The stress response involves the activation of the sympathetic nervous system and the release of stress hormones, primarily cortisol and adrenaline. These hormones prepare the body for a "fight-or-flight" response, which is an adaptive mechanism designed to help us deal with perceived threats.

3. Physiological Changes: Stress triggers a cascade of physiological changes in the body, including:

   • Increased heart rate and blood pressure: The body prepares for action by pumping more blood to the muscles and vital organs.
   • Rapid breathing: Oxygen intake increases to supply the body with energy.
   • Dilated pupils: Peripheral vision improves, enhancing awareness of the surroundings.
   • Increased blood sugar levels: Glucose is released into the bloodstream to provide immediate energy.
   • Suppressed immune system: Chronic stress can weaken the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to illnesses.

4. Cognitive and Emotional Effects: Stress can also affect our cognition and emotions. It can lead to difficulties in concentration, memory, decision-making, and problem-solving. Emotionally, stress can cause irritability, anxiety, restlessness, and mood swings.

5. Stress Response Termination: Once the perceived threat or challenge subsides, the body's stress response is designed to return to normal functioning. The parasympathetic nervous system, often referred to as the "rest-and-digest" system, helps restore balance by counteracting the effects of the sympathetic nervous system.

6. Chronic Stress: While acute stress is a temporary response, chronic stress occurs when individuals are exposed to stressors for prolonged periods without adequate relief or coping mechanisms. Chronic stress can have detrimental effects on physical and mental health, contributing to conditions such as hypertension, cardiovascular disease, anxiety disorders, depression, and burnout.

It's important to note that individuals' responses to stress can vary, and what may be perceived as stressful for one person may not be the same for another. Additionally, while stress is a normal part of life, excessive or chronic stress can have negative consequences. Therefore, it's crucial to develop effective stress management strategies such as exercise, relaxation techniques, healthy coping mechanisms, social support, and seeking professional help when needed.

(taken from Chatgpt)

What is a personality disorder? (OCPD related)

A lot of you may be wondering what a personality disorder is. 

It is anything that doesn t allow the individual to function properly, normally according to the social norms.  These includes ticks, obsessions, fears and anything else that may keep the person from forming social bonds. They go beyond once in a while things, but they are daily habits or actions, thoughts or hidden motivations. 

The diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (DSM) has a list of a lot of these disorders and it is also free to use online. To qualify for a personality disorder you must tick several of the included characteristics that they mention in the DSM. Each disorder has its own characteristics. 

I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) that I mention very often. I also have Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) which is on a different spectrum than BPD. They are different cluster. B and C for those who want to read more on the topic. 

I have also spoken on a previous post about my delayed PTSD but I think this is much under control. 

When you have more than one personality disorder (PD), then there is comorbidity. Many times depression lurks around the corner for many of the disorders. BPD is one of them. Look at my past posts to read more on BPD or even PTSD. I would like to inform more on the OCPD not to be confused with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ).

The distinction is as follows (taken from Chatgpt):

1. Nature of the Disorders:

OCD: OCD is an anxiety disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors (compulsions). Individuals with OCD experience distressing and unwanted thoughts, which lead them to engage in rituals or repetitive actions to alleviate anxiety or prevent perceived harm.
OCPD: OCPD is a personality disorder characterized by a pervasive pattern of perfectionism, orderliness, control, and excessive attention to details. Individuals with OCPD have a rigid and inflexible way of thinking, functioning, and relating to others.


2.Focus of Symptoms:

OCD: OCD symptoms primarily revolve around specific obsessions and related compulsions. Obsessions are recurring thoughts, images, or impulses that cause distress, while compulsions are repetitive behaviors or mental acts performed to reduce anxiety or prevent harm.
OCPD: OCPD symptoms are centered on perfectionism, control, and excessive devotion to work and productivity. Individuals with OCPD often have rigid rules and high standards for themselves and others, leading to difficulties in interpersonal relationships.


3.Impact on Functioning:

OCD: OCD can significantly interfere with daily life and functioning. The obsessions and compulsions consume a considerable amount of time and energy, causing distress and impairing various areas of life, such as work, relationships, and social activities.
OCPD: OCPD, while causing challenges in relationships and personal well-being, generally does not impair functioning to the same degree as OCD. People with OCPD tend to be highly productive and may excel in their careers, but their rigid thinking and behavior can lead to difficulties in forming close relationships.


4.Perception of Symptoms:

OCD: Individuals with OCD are often aware that their obsessions and compulsions are excessive or irrational, but they feel compelled to engage in them due to the anxiety and fear provoked by their obsessions.
OCPD: People with OCPD typically perceive their behavior and thinking patterns as appropriate and in line with their values. They may not see a problem with their perfectionism and may struggle to understand why others find their behavior difficult to tolerate.

Let me know if you wanna see more content such as this or if you have any questions.