friends! (BPD related)

Friends are important. But can someone with BPD remain friends with someone?

First of all, the suspicions. The constant suspicions they may hit on us or me to them or if they have feelings but most importantly, if we can trust them! A person with BPD has problems with it - trust- and cannot form social relationships easily. I personally have OCPD as well, which may act sometimes as a pillow which pushes and exaggerates the BPD symptoms and some other times act as a gentle pillow, reducing the symptoms of it. 

Examples? 

1. Bad effect: People with OCPD want to be in control, they are fearful that if they lose it their life is going to be destroyed. People with BPD cannot trust others (easily or even at all in some cases), because they fear that their lives will be destroyed by them. Those two synergize and make an explosive cocktail of characteristics that leave me socially impaired. 

2. The good example now. The BPD has a tendency to overspend money and go on binges. The binges may be drugs, alcohol, food or shopping! However, the OCPD person is frugal and careful because he wants to be in control of the future and therefore plans and saves money. Those two in me synergise and cancel each other out. But this does not mean that I am neutral. On the contrary. I have periods where I am too... too... too frugal and careful ( Sorry Sudeep) and points where I may indulge myself on something extra. Though I have never had issues with credit cards, I believe I shall remain like this and this is the outcome of them cancelling each other out. 

This is how I personally explain that. And remember, now I am studying psychology, so I have much better knowledge of personality disorders than the average Jo! Yay!

Let's see, what else can impair the possible friendships. Lies are definitely a negative factor. Nobody likes lies but BPD people tend to lie out of compulsiveness. I personally do it out of fear. Maybe some of you can relate to a different feeling. But it happens. The frequency varies from one individual to another. Same with the intense anger. Everything varies, I won't repeat that statement.

The chronic feelings of emptiness may drive them to substance dependence/abuse disorder and or even depression. And on top of that you have our feeling of real or imagined abandonment as a cherry on the top. So, if you manage and become our acquaintance, we will stick to you (out of fear of losing you) and then you won't be able to breath and you will want to leave, which will trigger in us the fear of abandonment and we will have another cycle where you will just get tired of us and leave. Ooooofff, story of my life. 

Anyway, I did not go in as much depth as I was initially thinking so let me analyze it a bit further now that I know someone is at least interested in what I write :) (hello new friend!).

I have mentioned again that I qualify all the 9 points of the DSM-5. I have had suicidality when I was younger (come on now, my blog had been screaming!!) and paranoid ideation, which is no longer there as I am medicated properly! Thanks doc! 

I am actually very grateful to my doctor who diagnosed me immediately so we took an immediate action too. Because medications (Antidepressants and antipsychotics) take some time to start working. And oh god I remember those days. My eating reduced and I lost 2-3 kgs. I did not like food (still kind of don't). I was waking up at 06.00 AM and sleeping by 22.00 PM. I was going to the gym at odd hours, do puzzles, listen to music, study and work occasionally. And do therapy with him. I was also meeting with friends and even traveled at some point to Prague. That's how my schedule slowly adapted to a normal human being that has a preference to the night rather than 6 AM! 

Anyway, seeing my BPD on another person makes me wonder about me, reflect and connect as well on a different level more spiritual. However it is also shit, because of the aforementioned trust issues. Mine is heightened as I explained. 

How to make friends eventually?