I wonder some times how my ex's are. I am in touch with some of them but others are lost in the past. And they shall remain of course there but BPD is a bitch and rumination is our power. So while ruminating you may find things you would rather not to. But some other times, there are revelations. Today was such day. My career as a researcher doesn't depend on the current degree I am doing. It depends on my first degree as a librarian. I do the references ... My current degree is just a specialization. I could even work in medical / psychology specialized libraries. They should exist somewhere...
Everyone finds their way. Eventually.
I have so many regrets that have to do with my mental health... I wish I was diagnosed a decade earlier. To avoid some relationships. Possibly two specifically. One was a bit abusive and I don't want to expand on this at the moment. However, in the last I was the abuser. And I didn't know back then about my BPD. It would have made such a big difference in many ways... But what am I talking about? The end would have been the same. He would not follow me. Because I m sure he was cheating on me. I was a bit crazy, but not stupid. And my "crazy" self pushed him away. It hurts me but this is the truth...
Anyway, regrets do not help, right?! No, they do not.
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