The experience.

I just had the weirdest short trip in my life so far.

I 'm laying on the bed, chilling and preparing to just fall asleep, because I have been with little amount of sleep today. But I have no idea how, I think a song must have triggered it, my childhood ran through my fucking head. I was suddenly experiencing again, in an almost physical state, moments of my life that I vividly remember till today. Some photos came alive as well, as if it was my present.

Fully aware where I am and conscious of my surroundings, I did not manage to control few tears that ran on the pillow. My childhood fear of losing my mother was so alive and so sudden (I anyways have this fear every day) along with the regrets on the imperfect relation with my father... I wanted this invited trip to come to an end, but I just couldn't stop it.

Unexpected pain was felt. I also felt disassociated and then my memories seemed like they were leaving me. I had an odd feeling that they will disappear. Forever. I was afraid I will not be able to remember any of this, but then again, do I really want to recall all these unwanted messages?

They crumpled, like a paper does. They became a paper ball, like those we use to throw to a nearby bin, to test our basketball skills by using our latest draft. I saw all of them in a moment becoming one, getting wings and flying away...

And only then was I able to snap back to the reality and get up from the bed. I was not dreaming. I stopped the music, wiped the tears and here I am writing about those bizarre... 5 minutes? Or just 3? Or maybe 7 but no more. I remember there were two songs roughly played throughout this new experience.

Am I finding or losing my identity?