21.57 έχω φύγει σου λέω....
22.04 έτσι, γιατί πιστεύουμε και στο κάρμα. Μπροστά σου θα το βρεις, ρεμάλι!
22.10
22.13 κρατάτε μυστικό;
The diary of a scholar (now with diagnosed BDP and OCPD!)
Προηγούμενο μέρος εδώ: Η νύχτα είναι μοιραία- "Ας ήταν όνειρο"
Η Άννα συναντάει τα δύο κορίτσια στο γνωστό καφέ οπού την πηγαίνει ο Αλέξανδρος. Αφού χαιρετιούνται, εκείνος φεύγει.
-Τελικά ρε συ είστε μαζί; ρωτά η Λίζα.
-Ε, βλεπόμαστε που και που αλλά όχι, δεν είμαστε μαζί, της απαντάει σύντομα και περιεκτικά ενώ λοξοκοιτά τη Σοφία.
Η ώρα περνά με νέα και καφέ, ενώ αργότερα πηγαίνουν μια βόλτα όλες μαζί. Η Λίζα τις αφήνει μόνες για να επιστρέψει στην δική της ρουτίνα κι έτσι οι δύο κολλητές φίλες έχουν λίγο περισσότερο ιδιωτικό χρόνο.
-Για πες μου, τελικά, τι γίνεται; τη ρωτά.
-Μη νομίζεις οτι ξέρω, λέει στεγνά εκείνη.
-Δηλαδή; Εγώ τον βλέπω οτι ψήνεται και μάλιστα θα έλεγα πολύ.
-Ναι, το πρόβλημα δεν είναι ο Αλέξανδρος. Γι αυτόν καλά τα λες. Αλλά να... ο Αλκιβιάδης είναι ξανά στη ζωή μου. Δηλαδή, όχι... Δηλάδη δεν ξέρω.
-Δεν καταλαβαίνω τίποτα, μπορείς να μου εξηγήσεις κανα δυο πράγματα;
-Ναι, σωστά, δεν σου έχω πει οτι ήρθε για να μου ζητήσει συγνώμη μάλλον και μετά...
-Κατάλαβα, βγάλατε τα μάτια σας.
-Ακριβώς, λέει κοιτάζοντας στο κενό.
-Και τώρα;
Την κοιτάζει και μονάχα σκέφτεται. Σιωπή.
-Θεωρείς οτι υποκρίθηκε;
-Δεν ξέρω… Παίρνει τηλέφωνα, αλλά δεν απαντώ. Κι έκανα το ίδιο και στον Αλέξανδρο, ώσπου ήρθε σπίτι νωρίτερα.
-Εντάξει, δικαίωμά σου αυτό.
-Ναι, αλλά…
-Ξέρω. Δεν ξέρεις.
-Κι ο Αλέξανδρος θέλει να πάμε ξανά όλοι για καραόκε. Το φαντάζεσαι;
-Ουπς...
Το κινητό της Άννας χτυπάει και παρατηρεί οτι είναι ο Σωτήρης. Διστάζει, οπότε η Σοφία την παρακινεί.
-Που χάθηκες, εσύ; τη ρωτάει ως πρώτη κουβέντα.
-Ε, να, πολλή δουλειά Σωτήρη μου, του αποκρίνεται.
-Ναι, ασε τα αυτά σε μένα, κι έλα για καφέ σε μίση ώρα στο γνωστό μέρος. Έχουμε θέματα να συζητήσουμε.
-Εντάξει, λέει και κλείνει τη γραμμή.
Why do people "pretend" to be busy or create their own rules that you should magically know?
It's only expected that they would feel as the most important person in the world, while they are not. Human nature.
But why?
Tomorrow is my first exam, after many many years (without counting the entrance exams of psychology).I have a mixture of excitement for getting back to the desks but I am also nervous for the topics that I will encounter. I have studied, I speak English daily and have many international friends, but damnit an exam is an exam.
Today I had some big bad luck, but managed to save it last minute, so I am still a tad shaken by that.
In any case, the day has come and the results will come in after 14 days. Whatever I studied, I studied!
To know thyself is the too skill for success and confidence. You should know your good and bad attributes. You pick the bad and work on improving them.
But knowing thyself can lead you to the correct path of self improvement, self control and esteem.
What you believe about yourself is what matters the most and not the opinion of the masses.
Nobody can know you better than you do, so stop telling lies to yourself trying to convince for this and that. Self sabotage hasn't helped anyone.
And don't forget. Simply: You... Is you.
On the other side though, there are those times when you go on a hunting quest: for the truth and reconciliation of memories.
Pick your weapons wisely.
And most importantly, pick your fights and don't drain your energy on those with no reward.
Weird weather, but it's Friday. The dreams have started hitting on.
New flatmates, new friends, new place.
I m looking for what will make the transition easier,more stable. The bike that I will have? I doubt, as I do not have one yet waiting for me there.
I have seen my room and I visualize myself being again with another three girls. I have done it in the past. I have also been very excited for this transition.
The Netherlands is the dream country! I have worked hard in order to achieve being in this path.
Four very difficult years await for me from now on. Three of the bachelor's and one for the master's. But I have faith this time. In me.
I ll manage it. Because I have done it again and again and I know myself that nothing keeps me from my dreams. Be it as difficult as it may wish.
I ll do it.
I am doing it.
Do you ever forget somebody's voice?
If so, how can you?
Or maybe what if I want to preserve it for more?
Please, give me the answer.
I booked a room. So it's happening.
I am going to Tilburg. I will be studying the biggest passion of my entire life. I will be behind the desks again. Socializing with a bunch of different people.
How it scares me, how it excites me!
Things can go wrong, but I beg to believe that they will go wonderful. And that's because I will work my ass as always.
I will make it.
And I do not even have to take it.
I am doing it, just exactly as I have been doing everything else. Dedication, commitment.
I 'm paralyzed, I am flying. I am sceptical, I am open. I am fearful, I am optimistic. I am worried, I am positive.
I A M !
All that gives me life, purpose and a sense of belonging.
I look forward to meeting my future, evolved self.
People come and go in our lives. Sometimes I wonder "why" but then again I have my answers.
You need space.
Space in other words is time.
Some people go, so some others can come. Usually a better version of what we had. Or so I wanna hope.
This is exactly what 2021 has done to me, or what I have managed myself so far. I count some loses, important or not doesn't matter at all, however I can already count the new people in my life : new colleagues, virtual friends (hi Dr Kevin!) future classmates and friends and whatnot.
Some might say I am not comfortable with changes, but seems like I have to beg to differ.
In my turbulent life, I have changed housing and flatmates quite a few times, counting the boyfriends in the same category. I have achieved a short, so far, career abroad, which meant that again I had to move, not only houses this time, but city as well.
And now, I am about to do the same.
The countdown is on again my friends. I won't bother with posts about it, since I don't have an exact date of departure, however I count dearly the days until my most important journey in life begins.
Carefree? I wouldn't say so. I have to still look around for a job, but hey this time it is not that horrible as I have a great key in my possession which is called "experience".
I was so persistent that this is all I needed and now it is proven I was right.
Cheers to the new experiences that are to come!