Writing task 1: "A coffee date with the person you were a year ago", part 3

A page of my diary.

10^th of Jan 2015

 
   I sat there for more than an hour, thinking of my future self. But I wasn't thinking of any plans but me. Completely me and myself. Was that experience possible? Then I decided to go for a walk. And I did so.
   As I was walking I stumbled upon an old friend, with whom I used to spend some good time. But now we only see each other in the street, accidentally. I don't know If I miss him or if he misses me, but when I overtook him, he came after me and grabbed my arm.

-Hey, are you ok? What happened? he asked.
-Hey, I am fine...

It seems that I was so absorbed in my own thoughts, that it was completely noticeable.

-Do you have time for a coffee? It s a long time we haven't had a coffee together, he suggested.
-Well, you know, I was going somewhere actually , I tried to avoid him.
- I don't believe you so much, but nevermind, I m gonna be at our cafe. It's up to you if you want to meet me.

Half an hour later I visited him eventually. I felt the urge to speak to someone and he seemed to care. 

Γνωστοί και άγνωστοι

Δημοσίευση απο τα πρόχειρα ~ 28.06.2013 

Μεταξύ μας όλοι είμαστε, γνωστοί και άγνωστοι... Χαμένα πρόσωπα, γνωστά πρόσωπα. Τριγύρω κόσμος. Κι εσύ;! Πού να σαι, που να βρίσκεσαι, κάπου εκεί, σκιά σαν όλους και φως σαν εσένα. Τίποτα δε μετράει, δεν έχει σημασία, παρά μόνο οι σκέψεις σου που σε πάνε στο άγνωστο. Απορίες μαζεμένες, απορίες κρυμμένες... κι ερωτήματα αναπάντητα βασανίζουν το νου.

Ζωή μεγάλη, κόσμος μικρός. Ή μήπως το αντίθετο;

Ψάχνω να βρω, δεν ξέρω τι.

Κι όμως το βρήκα.

Η νύχτα είναι μοιραία - για καφέ με τον Σωτήρη

 Προηγούμενο μέρος: Η νύχτα είναι μοιραία- και τώρα κορίτσια;

Ο Σωτήρης και η Άννα συναντιούνται μετά από λίγο στο συνοικειακό μπαρ.

- Γνώρισα ένα μωρό, τι να σου λέω, της λέει ο Σωτήρης.

- Για πες.

- Τον λένε Γιάννη κι είναι ψηλός, μελαχρινός και υπέροχος χαρακτήρας!

- Έλα ρε συ, να τον γνωρίσουμε αν είναι σοβαρό.

- Έτσι φαίνεται. Θα τον φέρω. Για πες εσύ, τι γίνεται με τον Αλκιβιάδη;

- Άσε, Σωτήρη...

- Πηδηχτήκατε, σε βλέπω.

- Πώς μωρέ το κατάλαβες;

- Αφού γράφεται η ενοχή με κεφαλαία στο κούτελό σου. Αλλά γιατί; Ήσουν με τον Αλέξανδρο κι έχασα επεισόδια; 

- Ξέρω κι εγώ...

- Αμ, εγώ δεν ξέρω. Αλλά και με αυτόν κοιμήθηκες πάντως. 

- Ναι... λέει ένοχα.

- Κι ο Αλκιβιάδης πως επανήλθε;

Αφού, λοιπόν του εξηγεί με κάθε λεπτομέρεια τι έχει συμβεί στο μεταξύ ο Σωτήρης αναφωνεί:

- Μάλιστα! Και τώρα τι θέλει μετά απο τόσο καιρό;

- Ήρθε να ζητήσει συγνώμη λέει.

- Λέει. Αλλά σε πήρε και σε σήκωσε κιόλας. Πώς τα έκανες έτσι;

- Ήρθε απο εκεί που δεν τον περίμενα. Και να φανταστείς οτι του αρνήθηκα τη συνάντηση αρχικά αλλά επέμενε. Και νόμισα οτι θα είναι κάτι σύντομο και θα σηκωθεί να φύγει...

- Πιάστηκες κότσος, άλλο που δεν ήθελες! λέει και της χαμογελάει πειρακτικά.

Διαφέρω - Στικούδη - (I differ )

 

Covid?

 We are now playing Russian roulette in the upcoming days, because my flatmate got positive covid results. It 's anyways a daily struggle but we shared shisha last night, so the chances are like what? 100%? i don t do math, leave me alone :D

Welcome to the new look

 Don't get too settled. I will be changing it in few weeks again haha!

He loves me, he loves me not

 

Life is a game

Do you dare playing it? Do you dare going out of the norm?

Define your happiness for this year. What rings your bells, what ticks you off?

Which commitments are you ready to take or leave?

I 've been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (thank god because I also got diagnosed with ...) and Borderline Personality Disorder. 

Congratulations!

Now my life finally makes sense. I just passed a course on personality disorders and I know exactly what both can be. Being impulsive (due to the BPD) and compulsive (due to OCD) means that when I feel like doing some shit, I simply gotta do it. I know no limits, but my own. Thus, I have to be very serious and careful on my values and morals. But this BPD know none of these. Hello life, did you call me?

I am under medication. It is going well. I feel much better. Almost normal. But there are downs and will be more downs than this, especially once I am off on my own. Somehow I wish I will be taking them for loooong long time. Addicted?  Not already, but I will get there. BPD will whisper.

You have no idea what I am talking about and you will never even walk on my shoes.

The night I was on the street .... now makes sense. Apologies Kosta, but apparently I was in very deep shit.

I m very thankful for reaching where I am though. Many people with BPD end up in jail, or having troubles with the law or with a bunch or tattoos and piercings (nothing wrong with the last one, I just don t have those).

I think I may be posting about it a bit more in the future. Or maybe not... Will see.

Fucking New Year

[written a week ago or more & kept in drafts]

That's what I have wished two of my closest friends. And honestly, it s not much worth of saying "happy". What kind of happiness? We need health, but if you dare adding that in a sentence, at least here in Greece (where I am currently), it sounds as if you are religious. Quite. 

Now, I am enjoying a frappe in my private balcony (it's probably 1-2 square meters, nothing fancy- I don t even have chair and table). I am enjoying the particular colours that appear in this country and this very city. Even when Prague used to be sunny, it definitely was not so bright, colourful and cheerful. 

New year and I have stayed in three countries the last 2 weeks. Weird. I have a home everywhere, but I am at home nowhere. Moving abroad takes balls, but nobody speaks of how messed up it leaves you. I am not the same person and that's not a problem. This was kind of the goal. The problem is the need of belonging, the relations you leave unattended. The network that dissolves... 

But life is life. And you constantly adjust and rebuild from what's left. Ultimately, you have you...