You and me, alone in here, facing each other. Who are you? Tell me the truth, now.
What have you brought to the world? What is your contribution? Your studies, huh? Fair enough.
What are your goals? Scary question, I know. Go on, now, tell me.
What are your feelings? About anything. Example, how do you feel now? Euphoric? Good. Happy and a little cold. I see. Nice music is playing around.
Back to your goals now. To make people happy? Don't you smirk at me. I know what you mean. Improve your relationships.
What is consciousness? How am I typing these thoughts? How are these thoughts generated? Then I know they are processed by the eyes, in the occipital cortex. By various layers and steps. I know that. It is literature. Basic knowledge. Introduction to Clinical Neuropsychology to be exact. The name of the subject/ course. Let's see in few days if I passed it.
What do we feel when we miss someone? The absence of love? What is this exactly? How can we even measure it?
You know, for my thesis, and part of my goals now thinking of it, I would like to do something about marijuana. Weed in common lingo. I am in Netherlands, it is legal here, so chill. And I know from other publications, that the researcher should not handle the substance. So I was thinking to ask people to come to the lab, hook them up with an EEG machine (google that), and measure their cognitive abilities by questioning easy questions (history, general knowledge etc) and by giving them some games and see how well they perform and add maybe some speed test to test the speeding and accuracy abilities. These things seem easy to find. We may even have a database (note to self to built one if there isn't - psychological database for games, procedures, tests and other similar activities). I 'm sure I wouldn t even be the first one to do something like this. Note to self to check before I enquire about it (soon-ish)...
I missed you blog. And again back to the question, what is this feeling about?!
Do I really want to publish papers? Am I even able to write something?
I barely finish my stories. Even now I am just blabbering. My head feels empty of words but then again I focus and I pull one extra sentence. Out of thin air. Nowhere.
Today something changed inside me about my university. It suddenly became an urgent priority. I feel empowered to complete and pass my courses. But I am more eager to learn. And I have been experimenting with different styles of studying. Till now. Now I realize I have to give a lot more effort in what I am doing. Double or even triple. Sad....
So, I have to be going to classes and attend religiously. Even if they are online. Then I have to study the material. Or preferably, do it before technically. Or along side if it is an online lecture. I think what worked better was to study the material prior to watching the lecture as the professors just explain the material. Repeat for all classes. Maybe Keep notes if that helps, for later. Note the important parts from the book. Make your own summary maybe?
Then around the exams, go through the slides. If you don 't understand something watch the lecture. If you have time watch the lectures anyway. And then go by the slides and continue with the summary. If you haven't written a summary check the student drive. There is usually lot's of material there. Quizzlet has quizzes you could use, but personally I don't find them much of use, but more of a time pass between wasting my time and studying/ doing something mildly productive. It is a slow process for me.
Anyway, I am thinking a lot about consciousness. And I would like to set a little stone to coming a step closer to finding it and solving the binding problem. We only know the theory about the hertz below 80 (Hz). And then the frontal lobe takes place and yada yada, you are not interested at this point, I know.
But I am. And I need to know details on how the brain functions. Details that may or may not be captured by an exam of roughly 50 questions. Details you may dedicate a whole team of scientists to work on and try to find solutions to questions of decades.
Wish I could publish my thoughts. Well, I am doing it. But I mean more scientifically. Like they used to do in the past. With all the letter exchanges and the answers to deep questions. Imagine being into a bloodline who has in its possession a letter from Pennfield, or even older, from Hume! Descartes! All these amazing people who altered the course of history. Probably these stuff such as letters are in museums. But just imagine being the great great gre- you get the point- granddaughter of one of those people! I don't think there 's anything more fascinating.
Maybe I aspire to remain in history like them, but I have known my little influential power, therefore I keep my hopes realistic to none.
But should you feel like I am the pen-pal I am missing, feel free to fill the gap and message me in any way. Use my email, the reply form below or even ask for my number. Truly, I will respond.
Anyways, I have to return to statistics, which is a course I feel unsure if I can pass. And this at least can apply precisely on this case as this is a mathematical course so whether you know how to solve for X or not. There is no chance of getting it accidentally. There is a chance you will get it wrong though, which raises the difficulty anyway. So, whether you know it or not. And I do not. I am studying it more patiently and I am understanding some topics, which is a win. Slow and steady. Baby steps are better than no steps. Here was text I have erased.
Did I tell you I have a scooter? No, I think because I believe in the "evil eye". Bad energy coming from negative thoughts of people is bringing bad luck and accidents. Funnily enough I wanted to post a pic of it here, but I was thinking of that evil eye and did not. But it snowed and I had to go to my exam. So, I left 10 minutes earlier than intended in order to go slower. And I did. In the beginning the streets had melted snow so it was easy to drive. But then I had to go to the bike lane. It had fresh snow. So I skidded and fell on the fresh snow. Nothing happened, some cute young guy helped me lift the bike and I told him I was okay. I moved on and I fell again one more time, less snow this time ( I actually cannot retrieve a memory from that apart from the fact that I couldn t untangle my legs under the scooter this time). I felt scared at this moment because I couldn't lift the bike as I was under it. The position was weird to explain. My head was not touching the ground or anything. I was sitting on my legs. With the scooter on my lap. A young cute lady came and helped me thankfully and I learnt to be appreciative of the random strangers help because without them I wouldn t be able to get up.
Then I was mad and scared so I was going super slow, skidded few times but I used my legs and realized that probably I confuse the break with the handle bar. Which means I speed instead of stopping. The super soco is 72 kg officially. Just googled it for you. I am also around 66,5 kg. Plus the accessories I have put on the scooter (front glass, helmet case, the iron extender for that case). Yeah, if you do the physics necessary for this, you see how difficult it is to drive, on snow. It sliiiips away. And then to end the story I went from the road because they were clean. My heart almost stopped as I am not allowed to drive there with this electric scooter (I have a blue license plate). But the traffic was super slow anyways and people drive well here. I haven 't seen anything crazy.
So I went to my exam and I think as I may have said before, went well. I need to wait few days to get the results now. And this is nerve wrecking.
Kisses for now, I am going to study.
Anna Maria
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