Tuesday, 24 October 2017

The one chance!

   On my yesterday's post, I somehow wished that noone of the people who belong to the past should return. But as always, a rule has its exception too.  There is only one, male person whom I would like to have again the old relationship we 've had. Not just a meeting, but the same relationship, which would be completely mature this time.
   When I violently took this person out of my life, was very painful and of course my mom played her role there. Unfortunatelly she was wrong and I was young... I wish I had a chance to explain myself (my mom's side basically, but nevermind).
    I thought of calling, then I was discouraged by the thought of him hanging up on me. Then i thought of sending a letter. Again, a thought of my words burning in a ligher's flame, torn me into pieces. The last one, was to invite him secretely on a meeting, after flying to his city. This time, the discouraging thought was him having a stroke and me not habving the proper time, money and address.
   Also, why would I mess his life up nowadays and out of the blue?
   After my dissappearance I found out you became big, important. You chased this dream that got born while I was still there. I only wish I have helped you more, even thought eventually you made it without me, and you are simply amazing.

   This person is Toutoulis. Or with his real name "Thodoris".

   Deep inside me I know that you might read my words from time to time. And I am sure you haven't forgotten me. I want you to know I haven't forgotten you and I owe you a lot (seriously a lot). You taught me that life is not always a game, by showing me the dangers.  I wanted you to advice me on stuff during my life, but eventually I made it without you as you can see. That doesn't mean that I wouldn'e love to have you around again...
   My last relationship wouldn't make you proud as I used to think during its period. My last relationship for you would be just me (along with him) making fun of myself. You would even call me a victim, once again. But most important... you would have warned me!
   But I guess, you would tell me "that's life" and that's how I learn. True that.

   Toutouli, if by any chance you are reading this sentences, please keep in mind that I paid back, for the last 6 years, all the pain I made you feel.
   I wish only good for you and I live with the memories of you. 

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